And I didn't want to give her a "real" reason. It isn't even a real reason but to her, in the state she's in now, it would have been.
This sounds like a pretty weak rationalization to me.
What I read you saying is: "W has said why she wants to D. I dont believe that applies, so Ill do anything else she asks of me to prove Im the best option."
I hate to say it, but that really isnt going to work. Think of it this way: Your wife is sleeping with someone else and you just paid her XYZ bill. What is her incentive to want to change anything? She gets everything that she wants! That doesnt show you are the better option...it shows you are willing to give her anything she wants regardless of what she does. It's like giving a kid a candy bar in an attempt to have it stop acting up at a store. You are rewarding bad behavior!
You cant approach this like you need to appease her at every turn. You seem to equate her getting angry with things being worse for your chances at reconciling. I dont think thats the case. I think you need to figure out how to earn her respect back first. And paying her bills while shes having an affair is not the way to go about it.
