Okay, I gave in and paid her bills with HER money. I did it for a lot of reasons and I don't feel great about it because I do feel kind of used but I felt way worse about myself when I wasn't doing it... And it doesn't really make sense but for me I feel like at this point the reasons W is giving for wanting a D aren't real reasons, like I recently found out she told a friend that "we are both too girly" and I'm the exact same amount of "girly" as I was when we first started dating, so I feel like she's really stretching to find reasons to feel better about her decision. And I didn't want to give her a "real" reason. It isn't even a real reason but to her, in the state she's in now, it would have been. So right or wrong I did it and it's done and I feel good (mostly) about my decision. I did what was right for me at that time.
Goals for today: stay dark - it's hard when I miss her so much but easy when I remind myself that the person I miss isn't who she is right now. Keep working on me - I've planned my evening after work already so that I don't get sucked into the "I don't know what to do so I'm just going to sit here" situation when I get home. I also think I'm going to look for a book club of some sort to join... Seems like that could be fun and I love reading.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
