Have to keep making the changes

[ATPeace]

So thought I would vent here rather than flap arround and end up saying the wrong thing to my w

Woke up after having a dream would not call it a night mare but in my dream my W had done a favour for some random guy and he thanked her by buying her an ice cream so she gave him a peck in the cheek and he tried moving that kiss to the lips ....[censored] if I am having bad dreams about this now what is it going to be like when this starts to happen IRL when and if she meets someone if I get to see her kissing someone else this will break my heart.

So I guess my question for today is this I am obviously very much in limbo as is my wife ....my W knows that I would do anything to get back with her I want our family to be one so what exactly is the path to getting back with my wife ?

Do I keep working at being her friend end up being friends for months or years then hope that feelings from her develope and she grows to love me again ?

DoI keep improving myself become the best person I can be the best dad and partner to her become a man only a fool would leave .....is it more important to love and care for her as a friend be there when she needs someone accept that she has lost her In love feelings to towards me I THINK she still loves me I know she has some feelings towards me I was her first partner and we have 4 children together and have shared 25 years together not all of which was bad.

Everything that she is doing is a choice she does not have to do this loving someone is a choice I just feel like asking her to show love to each other for the next month or two and see if the love between us can get stronger again

I feel so confused if she hated me wanted nothing to do with me then it would be easier but she wants to sepeerate on good terms which for the kids must be a good thing .....the stages of grief I have yet to get to anger ...I do not want to get angry ...I am very much at the denial stage

I do not even know if I am still in love with her... I know I still love her I keep telling myself that this could be fixed and our relationship could get better but she would have to want this to happen.

So my W has NEVER been the one to initiate things it has always been me so I feel that she wound not be the one to initiate a re connection if this was to ever happen .....how do people get back together do they talk about getting back with each other and the future and then agree a path ....do they just let matters evolve and if the connection returns just let it happen....a hug or a kiss leading to a bond and a re connection ? I was always the one to start things....I have backed right away from her and I am so unsure how to progress.

I know she is not at the point of wanting to get back with me yet I am scared that the longer we are apart the more likely it is that she will want to find intamacy with someone again .....she tells me that she does not want to be in a relationship with anyone and is not looking to date and I believe her ....she feels why would she want this crap again and get involved again....only to get hurt.

We get along as friends but I do not want to be just friends ...I feel so confused I feel why do we have to move to sepeerate houses why can this not be fixed and how do we fix this

A part of me thinks just set her free let her go but this feels like giving up on any chance of being together as she has never initiated does this mean she has never loved me or is this just the way she is.

Any advice ....is there a right or a wrong thing to do ...do what works I am try to understand what works does reconciliation start with a conversation or do feelings just grow and the reconnection just happens ?

I wish I knew the answers I just feel so confused

Thank you

Ghost