WAW, bouts of anger still spewing, awaiting the D.

[SH_]

SH, I am flattered you sought me out to give my opinion. Here are a few of my thoughts.

It is interesting you quoted MWD on the LRT and only quoted the first of the three possible outcomes.Nothing happens. From my observations here, I think that it is too early to state it has not had a positive effect on your W. You cannot know that and it really does take a long time to cause a shift.

I often use the frozen lake analogy to describe the DB process. DBing thaws the WAS from the inside out just like a frozen lake. The ice gets thinner and thinner but on the surface it remains unchanged and frozen. Do not assume anything but also don't sit there watching for it to melt.

I think you have done great. That bond between you and D17 has strengthened so much in this process even though ye seemed close before. That is priceless and may not have happened to the same extent if this crap had not happened.

You seem to have grown impatient recently.Why is that? Had you hoped all the great stuff on your side of the fence would have drawn W out of her fog by now? Are you realising that regardless what you do it may nit get her back? Those changes and great improvements are for you. You have embraced that. Your W has noticed your improved lifestyle.She has. But for now she is clouded by other stuff. That cloud could be there for years to come or could lift next week. Don't sit and wait.

I think having a WAW is in some ways harder to deal with than a WW. A WW will behave and do stuff that pushes the lbs to "had enough" stage faster. A WAW gives false hope because there is no one else involved. That hope holds many lbs back.

Over the last 20 months, I have come to a standstillmany times faced with a decision on how to proceed. Earlier on I put myself under unnecessary pressure to decide NOW about the future. However now when faced with the same type of crossroads, I acknowledge that it would be good to decide definitely now the best way forward, but it is not a necessity. Furthermore I can change my mind further down the road if I don't like my choice. This situation is stressful enough without imposing self imposed unnecessary stresses as well.

I think you are in a relatively good place regarding moving forward. What did the coach advise you ? Maybe you should use one of your sessions now if you feel stuck.

Best wishes. Hopefully something in what I said will help you. If you want my to clarify anything, let me know.
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Great updates.I like your L.

I imagine that if W truly wanted to reconcile she would not be the person you doubt you want back! Just a thought.

I wanted to add something to my last post. Check out my last thread or look up caliguys thread. There is a tool about changing character traits and involves three lists.

1 list things you like about you
2 list things you dislike about you
3 list things that you find admirable in others or in an ideal you.

First list is to show you you already have many fine qualities. Then work towards replacing items from list 2 by items on list 3.

Some people here have found this exercise helpful in becoming the person they want to be, but also helps to get moving again. Let me know your thoughts on that.

Way to go on the latest fun activity. Love that why the hell not attitude.

roist, the pleasure is mine to have you share such wisdom and thoughts. I have placed your last 2 posts here so I could read them again and I will reply tomorrow.
I really need this now and I want to take full advantage to calm the storm that is boiling under the surface now.

I look forward to our chat for this.

Thank you my friend.