WAW, bouts of anger still spewing, awaiting the D.

[SH_]

My dear Phoebe!
Always there for me and checking in. That I can count on these days.
it will be interesting to see how the IC works for d18 and myself. But I think we could use the support.
D18 has had a great week and I will share more later as it is late and I wanted to check in.

I am going to take a different approach moving forward here in the community.
I have been hiding from my own sitch I believe in the name of trying to support and help others. But it is so hard to see it all just repeat over and over again, and not really sure I am helping. Most seem to get it in due time as I read stories. Some just longer than others.
I feel like I am living a bad episode of the Twilight Zone or worse, Groundhogs day. Nothing I do helps anyone, nor myself. I just keep getting up each day, existing and going through a routine that seems to have little to no point.

I need to get myself together and implement some action and move forward.
I don't feel depressed nor anxious, but the agitation is swelling up and not always with a reason. I am really fighting back the feelings and it is starting to show.
I thought I was doing a good job keeping things down, and pausing to take good actions in spite of the raw feelings, but this weekend with my daughters, I would have to go to another room, because just dumb little things would just annoy me. I get so mad at myself, because there is no reason to be agitated. But I feel like I could just scream.

Not what I want to feel anymore.
Maybe a kickboxing class or something with contact. I have to let the steam out somehow.

Anyway, nuff about that as I feel I am getting worked up, and I need to go to sleep.
Busy week and then I get next week of and I will celebrate my first birthday in 20 years by my self.
Fun times. Real fun times

Thank you Phoebe again for be a constant for me. your support is true a blessing for me these days.