10 Years Later - From a DB'er

[DonH]

It's hard to believe that it's been over 10 years. Wow, where does the time go? The board looks exactly the same although near all of the names are the different. Sadly, the stories that they tell are very much the same.

You can read about my story by clicking to my previous threads or seeing the one below. I'd be amazed if anyone is still here from when I went through everything ten years ago. For those of you who were not, I'll provide some info:

Like many of you, I was shocked when the bomb was dropped. I knew we were in a slump but had no clue my wife was soon to walkaway. After about six months of suspicions, many of which were much clearer in hindsight, my soon-to-be WAW came home on a Monday and said "I'm finally ready to talk." My response was "Great!" Her's I'll never forget - "You're not going to like it." Within two hours she was gone and never slept in this house again. DBing didn't save my marriage but it quite possibly did save me. I still am friends with a few fellow DB'rs from back then - at least Facebook friends. I did everything I could. In the end, even WAW said she could not ask any more of me. Still, she filed about 10 years ago and come this October we'll have been divorced for 10 years.

How has my life been since? I really hate to tell all of this but in many ways it has sucked. In fact, that is somewhat why I've found myself back here again. It's really gotten rough for me.

I have not had a serious relationship since - not in 10 years. I've dated some. I've been trying much harder the past three years and almost with I would not have. It's clearly a different world. I've always been GREAT at being by myself. I actually have enjoyed doing things myself - always have. Sadly, even now, that is no fun anymore. I liken it to eating steak or ice cream everyday. It's going to get old. I went to an annual event yesterday than in years gone by I'd have much preferred I go by myself. This time I hated it.

I didn't date much if at all for over 2 years post divorce - which would be three years total since BD. When I left off here back in 2008 I had met someone and started dating her. That lasted about six months. I found out a few years ago she had died of an overdose - suspected intentionally but ruled an accident. I was shocked to learn she left behind a HUSBAND. I was the other man - and had no clue.

I ran into some personal struggles at the end of 2009. I lost my six figure job and had to face what has now become an epidemic in America - opiate addiction. That is a separate story in itself but I am very proud to say I'm clean for over 6.5 years without a single slip.

After reconnecting with a girlfriend from nearly 25 years ago in 2012, we dated for about 8 months until she decided to re-marry her ex husband. At least this time I was not the other man although I was likely the man that saved her marriage. With three kids and a 18 year marriage, I quickly stepped aside.

I've tried meeting someone since with terrible results. They say there are more single people in the USA than ever before. At least in my experience, women will only date someone they fall head over heals in love with on the first date or two. If not, they are not interested. Even more don't want to date at all and have not for years. My last six dates or prospects have been in this category. Most divorced, one widowded. Nearly all have not dated in years. These are very smart often beautifull women. The first has not been on a date in five years. She is now 48. The second is 42, divorced 8 years and last date was in early 2013. The second is 43 and has not had a boyfriend in 4 years. A few dates here and there. The lastest is divorced 10 years. We went out once, she said "absolutely" when I asked about a second. That was nearly 2 months ago. Sadly by far the best of the bunch was widowed over four years ago. I think we would at least be dating on a regular basis if she didn't live 10 hours and 4 states away. Oddly I had told a friend that I thought a widow was my last chance as they would still be married if given the choice. That is clearly the case with this lady.

I've so lost hope. Life is all about balance. I still don't want to ever marry again. That has not changed but I also don't want to live the rest of my life alone. I don't want to go on vacations alone. I so miss physical touch. I might be able to live without the sex but so miss holding hands, cuddling, kissing.

My WAW is still married to the guy she had the affair with on me. So much for statistics saying it would not work! I know so much more about what happened there but what does it matter at this point.

I've come back here hoping that, like when the bomb had dropped, this place might play a roll in getting me back on track. I already know the drill - get a life, get out there, blah, blah, blah. Thing is, I've done that. In order to not make this intro longer than it already is, I'll save more for later. It's just amazing how things have changed - how people cancel on you. How even on dating sites, so many won't follow through, won't show up, are not who they say. Just had another one say "I like your profile. I'm interested, tell me more." Only to then say, I'm looking for someone closer (um I didn't move) and I"m talking to a few others so best of luck to you." Um what??????? Why not say that right away?

I really am stopping now. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Don