Detachment and the end of limbo, sort of...

[Phoebe]

Hi everyone. Yes, SH, we do need to chat, and soon.

Painter, I think you and I are two trains running on generally parallel tracks. Up, down, round the curves, it's been one crazy ride. My brain is just telling me that it's fried snd tired. I also forget to pick up items on my shopping list, and lose things while I'm still using them, and it's incredibly frustrating. I'm also back to feeling triggers lurking all over the place again, and that svcks.

Sotto, by all means ask away! My hard-to-classify R with L-friend is a strange one, by any estimation, and yes, it is more that just friendship at this point, though I find the 'benefits' term a bit gross. I think we both think of it more as two people offering each other comfort. For myself, I see no long term possibilities with him. For starters, he is much older than I am, and our personalities can clash like crazy sometimes. He is a city mouse, and I do better in a rural setting. I strongly agree that it is early days for such a thing, but there's yet another bell I can't unring. We're working to be sure we have shared expectations about all of this.

In other news, R-friend sent me a Dear John-type email today telling me that she needed to take a few months away from me so I can heal. (Now there's a euphemism). She's upset about that email I didn't get and respond to, and because I gave too short a notice that I wouldn't be able to skate because I barely slept the night before due to toothache pain. Very strange, but I don't want anyone around me who isn't here voluntarily, so that's totally fine. She can be difficult, so I'm not mourning overmuch.

I have found myself struggling to be my usual giving and forgiving person lately. Just tonight, in fact, I tangled with L-friend over musical choice while I'm driving. Call me strange, but after trying to accommodate his tastes, I gave up. As far as I'm concerned, he is a guest in MY car, and as long as I am doing the driving, buying the fuel, and owning the vehicle, then I shouldn't be hearing about how a song I like is junk. That just kind of pushed me over the threshold. I was pretty mad there for s bit, but now I'm fine again Sometimes I just want to toss a bottle of STFU potion in his general direction because it's like he has no social filter sometimes.

Ok, falling asleep again. Good night!