good direction or backsliding?

[SH_]

I would also encourage that you keep the discussions that you have with your d about your w to a minimum.

She should not be sharing things like that with you and you should not be asking questions or gathering Intel in this manner.
It is not good to have the children in the middle.
I know it is a challenge as my d18 and I regularly recommit to avoiding conversations about her mother. D18 will want to share a frustration or give me an update, and I catch myself asking how her mother is doing etc. But I have seen these conversations head down a bad path and I know it does no good.

Really no good can come from these conversations, so it is best to avoid them.
Just my 2c and MHO