Hope you are getting some relief from any pain they may be sending out.
How is your land and the creature that inhabit it? How are you doing? Are you meditating? Watching a Ted Talk? What are you doing for your inner peace?
I do hope you are finding some peaceful slumber.
(((My sweet Phoebe)))
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I have to say, beyond sheer distraction, a toothache has nothing to recommend it! Luckily, I am feeling markedly better today. I can eat normally and even gently chew on that side of my mouth, and the aching throb has only resurfaced a couple times today. I'm on day 3 of my antibiotics and still taking plenty of ibuprofen, but less and less frequently. The swelling is steadily going down, too, so that also makes me happy because I'm not as self-conscious about my facial asymmetry. At its worst, I looked like I had mild Bell's Palsy. Not a great look.
The farm has been a bit busy of late. The fields are being hayed this week, which is always super cool. One of my favorite things is to looking out over my freshly cut fields that are scattered with new, large round hay bales. It's beautiful.
Ok falling asleep, so I'll cut this short. Good night everyone!
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
So, kind of a strange week overall. I feel like I've gotten almost nothing accomplished, and I can barely remember what I've done all week. Can I blame the toothaches and antibiotics? I don't think of penicillin as one that messes with the thought process, but...
Maybe it's just the toothache, combined with a big jump in legal complications this week. And a few more thousand dollars in legal fees.... Sigh.
My R-friend is upset with me because I lost some email and didn't respond to her about something she invited me to, L-friend invited me to go along with him on a a social function, I have accomplished exactly nothing further in terms of the legal financial crap, and I am scattered beyond belief. I can just about keep myself on track to make it through my daily chicken and cat chores. Almost. I inevitably stall out part-way through some part of the feeding/watering/cleaning process and forget what I was doing. I just have to stop and hope I can re-engage my thought process. It's frustrating.
I drove to meet L-friend for a bike ride today, and then I came back home to see what I could get done with my day. Answer: pretty much nothing. WTF is wrong with me this week???
L-friend and I talked about our expectations for our friendship/whatever-this-is a couple days ago, and that was a bit stressful. Neither one is ready for more than we have to offer each other right now, but I think that he was starting to feel like I was having larger expectations. I wasn't. I've been in such relationships in the past, but it's been over 25 years, so I'm out of practice with negotiating such situations.
It's a bit of a mess, but the friendship and physical contact are most welcome for both of us, so we're trying to muddle through in a way that keeps each of us safe and consistently talking about where we're at.
I think every relationship is a bit complex for me, so this is just complicated in a different way. R-friendship is complicated, too.
Anyway, as usual, I ma running very late and ought to get myself to bed. I'm yawning and should take advantage of that. Good night and sweet dreams (or dreamlessness, if that's better) to everyone.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
The fields sound lovely, Phoebe! I wish I were there with my easel and brushes... We're going tomorrow to some huge sunflower fields that are in full bloom right now. I wish we could share pictures here!
I hope you're taking it easy until you've fought the infection off completely. I'm almost afraid to ask, but have your hands stopped shaking? You haven't mentioned anything about it lately. You know, I'm sort of surprised that all my hair didn't go white from this... such a shock to the system.
It sounds like you are bouncing back quite a bit from the latest shock. I guess once an earthquake has leveled most everything, the aftershocks can't do too much more damage...
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Hi there, Miss Painter. The shaking is less a predominant problem these days. I definitely still have it sometimes, but it's not constant anymore, which is a vast improvement.
Sometimes I feel it while I'm laying in bed. Actually this morning, I was just laying there and enjoying a few moments of sheer laziness, and I wondered if the house was shaking for some reason until I realized it was my whole body. Actually, when I said my hands were shaking all this time, I neglected to mention that the rest of me was shaking, too. It was just the shaking hands that were so obvious and annoying. So... bottom line is that I'm a whole lot better. Not cured, but definitely on the uptick. The shaking can still crop up, but not as often and it's not as severe, generally. (Although I was shaking pretty strongly when I got the my other house and realized WH was living there again.)
Every day I love my fields and the open sky a little bit more. The sunset tonight was so lovely, pink and soft, and the clouds in the east were lit up gently and so very beautiful. I do think that you'd enjoy the play of light here in the evening, Painter. The golden hour is something special around here.
'night!
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
I hated the legal crap too. In fact, till now, I hate anything bureaucratic and remotely resembling legalese. This is one PTSD symptom that I will prob have to deal with for a long time.
You've got yourself a group of supporters and you're chugging along fine.
Sorry that your R friend is annoyed with you. If she's a real friend, she'll understand that missing her emails are really not a life or death issue with everything else you're facing.
As for your L friend, if you really don't think that you've been imposing any expectations on him, then maybe what he's feeling says more about him than it does about you?
Have a great weekend, lovely Phoebe.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Hello Phoebe Lovely....sorry it's been a bit of a mixed week. The main thing is always to steady yourself and do what you need to do for you. I have got much better at asking myself - what do I need to do to look after myself in this situation. And also - does this work for me? (Both codependent no more questions.)
So, I hope you don't mind me asking - the friendship with L friend has developed into a friendship with benefits? What are your expectations or hopes with respect to the friendship (possible R?) with him? It's worth being clear with yourself in order that you can be clear with him. I would say it's early days for an involvement with someone else and best to keep the main focus on friendships and support network for now - but it's your life and your decisions of course.
I'm sorry for your discoveries about your H. I too feel that there may have been others for XH towards the end of our M. I don't have proof of that, but I think it may be the case. I do think MLCers get very lost and scramble around looking for logs to grab hold of in fast flowing water....
I hope your teeth are all better soon, and take care Sweetie xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I have some thoughts and suggestions that I want to share with you.
You sound to be getting stronger and stronger and I would say you are headed in a sound direction. Lots of road still ahead, but you will take the curves without missing a beat.
Sleep well, and we'll chat soon
(((((Phoebe)))))
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Phoebe, looks like we posted at the same time last night!
I'm glad the shaking is less intense. I got very shaky at times, mostly when I discovered new information. I'm sure I would have been extremely nervous and shaky going to the other house!
Do give yourself some slack when it comes to being 'productive'. Right now, our mental resources are busy with processing and healing. I think it's pretty normal to wonder if Alzheimers suddenly has set in under these circumstances. I'm starting to get better, but I still have days where I can't find the hairbrush I used a minute ago or I forgot where I'm going because my mind is so busy processing what WH did to us. I've gone grocery shopping and walk right out without stuff that is on my list. I feel like a computer that got some virus that is eating the resources...
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
