Newbie - my story

[maybs]

I know. I know I'm doing this for me. I've been pushing myself farther and farther outside of my comfort zone. Mostly still small stuff but as someone who is very introverted I feel like I'm doing pretty well....
Started by going out and doing stuff with close friends. I'm still doing things with close friends but I've also been working on doing things alone. Going to movies or on hikes or bike rides by myself (especially hard because it's things we used to do together) and just enjoying the peace. Started IC and have actually really been able to open up (I was concerned my shyness would get in the way but it hasn't really). I'm on this website which is something I never would have done before. I've set a goal that in the next month I'm going to try to go to an event or two that the local lesbian community holds (the do like potlucks and pizza night and game nights and all kinds of stuff). I'm doing pretty well at stepping outside myself.
When W and I met I was a little more outgoing (usually due to alcohol cutting back my anxiety and inhibitions a bit, plus I had friends in the area) it's been hard since moving here because I don't know many people but that's next on my list.

[maybs]

Oh and even though I have never been a picky eater I am trying to try even more new and different foods and am revisiting foods I used to not like just to try it again and I'm finding even more things I enjoy! I've started cooking more elaborately for myself just as a way to try new things!

[MoveFrwd]

can you see paint dry? How about grass growing?

What if you go on a month long vacation - have the things changed?


In my opinion, it will have much more of an impact if she doesn't see the changes until you've made the changes for you. Until you've become the best version of you possible.

[maybs]

Last night I was wish a friend and she helped confirm what I already knew to be true. W is now "seeing" this 19 year old girl she met a few weeks ago. Honestly I was under no illusions. I knew in my gut that it was happening and am not surprised at all. I also kind of figured there was a high probability that this would happen and was something she would "need to do" for this entire thing to run its full course.

I also found out that while I thought her family would stay silent about this whole situation (they're generally quite passive and won't speak up) they are all fighting with her about this. Which makes me feel better but I also feel like isn't actually helping the situation.

Is it weird that I don't feel that upset about it? I feel like I spent time mentally preparing for this situation and now it's here and I'm fine. Nothing in my immediate day-to-day life has changed.

Oh well onwards and upwards. Going to keep GAL and sticking to my 180s and working on me.

[hawker]

My W's family and closest friends also were/are angry with my W for doing what she is doing....the W doesn't want to hear it anymore so she talks to her friends she works with at school because they tell her you have to do what make you happy...blah blah...less guilt for her to face....

[maybs]

That makes sense. She has been completely avoiding/ignoring most of her friends except for a select couple that were actually the ones that introduced her to this girl...

It will run it's course. I'm not even sure what someone who is about to turn 32 has in common with someone who is 19... so I don't feel it can be a lasting situation.

It is what it is I suppose. Like I said onwards and upwards!

[hawker]

Yes, they don't want to hear it from their friends...she says they don't understand...lol... it doesn't sound like a long term situation....kind of like my W the OW is totally opposite, have nothing in common, has a small child...wtf??? Whatever....keep moving onward and upward!!! You are doing a great job!

[maybs]

So this weekend it has been much easier than I anticipated to remain dark. I've been doing my own thing and relaxing and have actually been able to spend a good amount of time not thinking or worrying about W.

That being said, this financial situation is causing me huge amounts of stress.

Let me start by saying I COMPLETELY AGREE that I should not be responsible for making sure her bills are paid (even with HER money).

HOWEVER, I feel badly that she doesn't even know what to pay even though that's really her fault for not wanting to talk to me about it.

I'm worried about driving an even bigger wedge between us than there already is. I feel like she's already blaming me for so much I don't want to give her more reasons to blame me and hate me. She has enough of those. I'm worried it will drive her farther away from me and while I know she's not ready to move closer to me I don't want her to move farther away either.....

[maybs]

Okay, I gave in and paid her bills with HER money. I did it for a lot of reasons and I don't feel great about it because I do feel kind of used but I felt way worse about myself when I wasn't doing it...
And it doesn't really make sense but for me I feel like at this point the reasons W is giving for wanting a D aren't real reasons, like I recently found out she told a friend that "we are both too girly" and I'm the exact same amount of "girly" as I was when we first started dating, so I feel like she's really stretching to find reasons to feel better about her decision. And I didn't want to give her a "real" reason. It isn't even a real reason but to her, in the state she's in now, it would have been.
So right or wrong I did it and it's done and I feel good (mostly) about my decision. I did what was right for me at that time.

Goals for today: stay dark - it's hard when I miss her so much but easy when I remind myself that the person I miss isn't who she is right now.
Keep working on me - I've planned my evening after work already so that I don't get sucked into the "I don't know what to do so I'm just going to sit here" situation when I get home.
I also think I'm going to look for a book club of some sort to join... Seems like that could be fun and I love reading.

[hawker]

I'm sure your W's reasons for the D will change each time she is asked...mine said "we weren't communication", the next time it was "I changed and you didn't" blah blah...something different to make them feel better about "I wanted to cheat" LOL....don't get me wrong, I take 1/2 the blame, obviously I wasn't doing something since she decided to look elsewhere, I just wish I would have known...I didn't have a clue...hang in there and your goals sound great!!