Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
It is safe to say that your wife doesn't need a reason to speak with your BIL while you are out of the country. The EA they are having is reason enough.
What are the 180s that you have been focusing on? What about you taking the kids for some fun without your wife?
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to get you scheduled to speak with your DB Coach again.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Its been a while since I last posted on here...several things have happened since then.
We went on our famioy vacation. I nkticed my wife steering clear of my brother in law. I steered clear of him as well. Nothing much of note.
The day after my famiky vacation, I was leaving the country for work. My wife lingered around me that evening like she had something to say...but didn't. The next morning as I was heading out the door for my cab ride to the airport, she kissed me goodbye. I didnt say a word, although my mind was asking why she kissed me...
I was on travel for two weeks and texted her pictures with short messages throughout the trip, mainly for my kids to see. While I was gone, she spent significant time doing projects around the house...unusual for her. When I came home, she acted relieved that I was home again, but she hasnt touched or kissed me again.
Before the trip, I was planning on talking to my sister about her affair when I returned. On my trip, I read the book Love Must Be Tough, which stressed that the sure w a y to end an affair is to really show your spouse what they stand to lose...to ensure they feel the impact of their indescretions. It provides a solid arguement that I need to expose the affair to ensure that not only my wife must halt any affair, but that my brother in law feels the impact of his wrongdoings as well. It made me realize that my sister must know of the affair so that he will also feel the impact of his choices...and steer clear of my wife.
The two things keeping me from telling my sister are that it appears my wife is trying to move back to me...and that revealing this monster will surely halt visits between the kids. After all, how would that work...my wife stays at home and my BIL leaves his house while I bring the kids over? We live in different cities and stay with relatives so the kids can see their cousins.
All that said, my sister has planned a birthday party for one of her kids and one of mine this weekend. My wife is planning to attend for just the day or by staying with her mom the night before. My wife is experiencing part of the problem in that she used to stay at my sisters house, but now she knows she cannot. My guess is my sister and BIL are going to suspect something is wrong in any case since she will not stay at their house anymore...
Sorfy for the long post...as I said, a lot has happened, and Im not sure how to handle it now.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
Sorry, I've not read to the bottom of your thread as yet so someone might have already mentioned this but it looks to me like you are taking on all the responsibility for outing the EA. Surely it is down to your BIL to come clean to his own wife? You can address the issue of you knowing with your Sister later but at the moment he seems to be going along in his own little world whilst your family is falling apart! Your sister may not understand at first why you didn't tell her but her husband needs to be the one who owns up to it as he has messed up and not you. I agree that in this situation neither option is a good one however I would rather not have the burden of carrying around such a huge family secret for someone else!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
I agree that my BIL should be the one to tell my sister, but I'm sure he won't. My drive to tell her is that I believe she needs to know, but more importantly, this would halt him from trying to message my wife anymore. I've thought of just confronting him without letting my sister know as well.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
The two things keeping me from telling my sister are that it appears my wife is trying to move back to me...
I bet she's playing you, just like she's played you before.
Sorry.
Originally Posted By: Tate
...and that revealing this monster will surely halt visits between the kids.
That would be bad for the kids. But what about the long-term consequences of the situation? Some day it's all going to come out, and the kids will know whether you acted with integrity and wisdom.
Just my $0.02's worth. I realize it's easy to hand out opinions when you're not knee deep in it....
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
I agree that my BIL should be the one to tell my sister, but I'm sure he won't. My drive to tell her is that I believe she needs to know, but more importantly, this would halt him from trying to message my wife anymore. I've thought of just confronting him without letting my sister know as well.
Your drive to tell her should be because shes your freaking sister! I want to hit you over the head. In a good way.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
Newest event is that during a discussion with my wife about her plan to stay at my sisters house on a visit the weekend, I told her that her continued contact with my BIL via texts and her still having the PA guy as a Facebook friend were hurting me, us, and our chance at working on our relationship.
Her response was that she will not stop either and that if I involve my sister she will divorce me in an instant. ...what to do now?...
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
Only you can decide how long you will accept being bullied and intimidated by her threats and living with the status quo.
Surely you can inform your sister what is going on between you without speaking to her husband's involvement? Perhaps even suggesting that her unaccompanied visits are't appropriate for now?
Having said that, no one looking on from the outside can answer your question because none of us have to live the consequences.
I can sense your pain and your fear. The pressure cooker you are living in has no relief valve other than by you as your wife sees no reason to stop. She has no respect for you or your family, sister included.
I am not advocating divorce, but I am suggesting that continuing down the path you are on might be worse and eventually gain the same result. Step back, write down pros/cons, seek an independent, unbiased sounding board and then decide how you need to proceed to achieve what you want.
Wishing you well.
The only easy day was yesterday
Friends - 35 years Together -32 years Married - 29 years S - 26 BD - 11/11 S 7/12 Last visual contact 2/13 Last verbal contact 4/13
