I know how hard this is with a young child. But you CANNOT use your child as a pawn to control her personal life. You cannot bribe her with access to updates on your child with no contact with OM.
You guys are currently separated. So she is only going to allow you access into her personal life as she sees fit. Same for, my friend. Which is why if you want these texts to go away, you need to do it right.
I do not think you should stop updating her periodically. You should update on the level of a coparent, which is so early on and not easy to establish exactly what that is now. But you can't go on the premise, I'll only do it if you act like my wife. You can't control her. So control you. Explain to her you trying to move forward and the constant texts/updates are not beneficial right now. explain that you are not cutting off contact from S, that you will update her after he's asleep and if there is anything she needs to know. Just tell her what you need that doesn't imply controlling her. It's what you need to do for YOU. Not to bring her back.
I know this is tough. It's a learning process. Just remember, boundaries are there for you. And are very healthy. Not to get anyone to do what you want them to do.
I am so thankful Fb just came out the year my ex left. Took us a while to get one and we never became friends. I have unfriended ex's. Not to be mean, childish, or petty, but it became so difficult for me to see into their personal lives in their new R's. She may do it not to punish you, but to protect her own feelings.
