Shelob's Lair

[Zues126]

I get it V.

I don't think I have the same ability to tolerate things that other people do. Sometimes I feel I am critical, demanding, and have unrealistic expectations that damage my relationships. Sometimes I feel I am extremely sensitive and can't tolerate stuff that other people seem to shrug off.

Some examples of what made me shake my head yesterday.

My friend did a job for a contractor that paid him by check. The check bounced. My buddy called him in the morning and the guy was apologetic and said that he put funds in his account and would be there with a new check at 11AM when my buddy came to do the final walk through. When my friend got there the guy wasn't around, just one of his crew, and he didn't reply to text messages. Finally the guy texted him back at 3PM and said he'd run it over to him. Now look...my fried DID get the money, so you could ask what harm was done. But he didn't know for sure if he was going to get paid. In this industry there is always some exposure until the money is in the bank. You have to live with that, it's part of the job. But when the check bounces it is definitely a concerning experience. You want to get that cleared up, and it is a big disruption. But that is a human mistake, that happens. My point is for the guy to not follow through exactly how he said he would, that to me is very thoughtless. I understand that HE knew he was going to pay, but my friend didn't and it was a major disruption to his day as a result. If he had taken one moment to put himself in my friend's shoes he would've handled the situation much more promptly and crisply.

Then last night my friend gets a text from a guy that had scheduled a 4K job to be done on Monday/Tuesday cancelling, saying that he had found a better deal elsewhere. Some guy beat his bid by $200. This is just gross to me. If my friend had no-showed because he found someone that had a bigger job this guy would blast him all over Angie's list reviews, yet he can screw with his business, his employees that need hours, etc, because he's the customer and is entitled to do whatever he wants.

Then I get an email from XW. Here's the set up- on 7/26 at noon she texted me asking if I'd gotten her car tabs mailed to me. I was at work because I actually work a job so she can take my money and not have to herself, so I got home at 6PM. I was busy as I was celebrating my birthday party, but I checked the mail and the car tabs were there, then the next morning my mom dropped the kids off with her and I had her put the tabs into XW's hands. So from the time I got texted she had tabs in her hand within 24 hours...DELIVERED. So I get her email and it says (paraphrasing) "I need to be direct and tell you that these stupid games need to stop. If I have legal stuff mailed to your address you should have the same respect for me I show for you and let me know. Or responded to my text. As we prepare for court we should agree to not play stupid games like that."

This isn't anything different from XW. I don't even know why I'm posting it. It's been like this for 18+ months now. Everything I get from her is just *insane*. I don't understand how she can write this or any of her emails without understanding how crazy she is. I guess she assumed I had them for weeks and didn't tell her, but to throw out an email like that on an incorrect assumption to me is just inconceivable.

But the point of my first two examples is it isn't just a spewing WAS. It's like it's everywhere. People just seem to me to be thoughtless, reckless, destructive, and insane.

I love people, but in the end this crap is just too fatiguing to me. I can manage through, keep strong boundaries with who gets close to me, etc. But it really, really puts me off on people in general. I just don't want to have to deal with any of that.

Maybe I have some personality disorder where I am hyper sensitive. Like suppose I was walking through a crowded city street where people bumped into each other a lot, but I had some skin disorder where any contact caused me pain, I might look at all of these other people slamming shoulders thinking "how can they act that way" without realizing maybe they don't hurt when they slam into each other. And I might distance myself from them or choose a different street because I can't tolerate that kind of high impact.

Long post, but I'm trying to both be understood by you all, and equally to understand how much of this is normal and how much of this is unique to me. Sometimes people encourage me to join the party, but that advice might not take into account how upsetting this stuff is to me. And the idea of relaxing expectations, it's sometimes hard to know what part of this are outlooks I control, versus some type of hardwired personality that I simply have to manage through in my life. Not sure, just my journal and thoughts for the morning.