Uncharted Waters

[mleigh4]

Hi 2T,

First of all, I too hate to eat alone at restaurants. I have done it a couple of times, and sat at the bar where there is a tv to watch. Otherwise, it's the wall or your phone! Lol. But when I go out to eat with friends, I always see people eating alone. I admire them for being able to, I don't think down on them at all.

I LOVE alone time. I have many nights where I don't have my son, and I think about calling a friend, but decide to make myself dinner and watch a movie alone. I have always enjoyed it. I think some people always need someone around, for whatever reason, I have never understood that. Take pride in your alone time. Next time your H comments, just tell him, I like hanging out with me!

Your H sounds to be trying to figure himself out still. I am sure many will disagree, but I think being friends is a good thing. Yes, it's cakeeating, I am guilty of letting my H do that. I have tried the complete shutdown and distance with him, but for me, it just didn't feel right. I am not sure why, I am sure someday I will, but it just didn't feel right to me. I have learned how to keep the door open while still moving forward. I too struggle daily, wondering if I even want him back, but in the meantime, we spend time together that I enjoy. It's no guarantee we will work things out, I still am exploring my own feelings towards him, but we have over 16 years of history together. For me, it feels right to be a warm and inviting place to all I love, including H. I think if I shut him out, that would create the "what ifs" down the road. At least I will be able to look back and know he had his chance, I did all I could do.

That's just my opinion based on my own situation. They are all different. It just comes down to what works best and feels right for you. Trial and error is the way to go until you settle into a comfortable place.

Hang in there, you have so many changes going on in your world. You will get your answers, it just goes at a snails pace!

Much love,
M