Look Forward & Ignore the Anger Spew

[CT1118]

Do all WAW's and especially the ones that are heading for divorce and should really be called STBX try to validate their decision and guilt by blaming the other spouse for everything?

No, they don't. Mine did not do a number of things in common here. What made me switch away from the M problems and primary concern w/ the A over to an MLC type understanding. She blamed herself fully and completely and only accepted my part of blame once I admitted to having a drug addiction (I'm clean now if you don't follow my posts). WW now refers to it as mostly her, but I did damage too, and even then this is not common for me to hear. Nope, she owns it (tapping my chin and saying"now if she would only fix it")

We all need to get to the stage of not giving a sh!t what 'she' does or thinks. If she was some 'random' girl would you care? No! Problem is she IS some random girl as your wife (the woman you married) is a different person and you know that.

I think Surfer's quote got overlooked - I did not see anyone really run with it. What he said is 100% true. You are dealing with a teenage like transitional mind. The WW i someone who hijacked your W. Being a teenager sucked for 3 reasons - no self confidence, your body was changing quickly, and you felt like your freedom was limited. And your WW is not like this....? Of course she is.

Rich4j - you are moving out and packing. I will say what I did when I moved into my own place is not for everybody, but this is what I did. I sold all that sht on Craigs List. Bedroom set, tables, kitchen appliances that I have no idea what they do, everything she did not want, I sold it. And I kept the money to pay my 1st month rent. Obviously I had to keep a couple things initially, but have been replacing over time. Very little joint use stuff left and I wanted her to see - it does suggest that one has their own ideas and style. All the I love you stuff - majority to the trash. The really good stuff like wedding albums or the amazing card gotten for a birthday one year - that stuff is consolidated into a box and I do not look at it. If things don't reconcile one day, that box goes to the trash. If we do reconcile I give her the box for her to make a decision on what to do with it. That was my catharsis. For months it was painful enough that I had her in my head everyday, I did not need to eat with the forks we got as a wedding present. Again, this was me and I fully understand why others would not want to have to spend money to replace good items, but I felt like I had to.