you're right lt402 - that's a H or a W job to fix stuff...not mine i replied with " will take a look tomorrow if you'd like" not canceling my plan for tonight and not being readily available but still being kind. some how telling her she's SOL doesn't seem right, so this is close second.
I have trouble telling my WW she's SOL as well bud, it's hard for me to figure out the line where I'm being dim or just being a jerk. WW and I still live S in the same house. AC went out and I spent weeks working with our home warranty company to get it all replaced. Even took 6 hours off work to deal with the repair guys when they came.
Not so much as a thank you from W. Feels like she used me when she was perfectly capable of at least being here while the AC guys did the work. Worried your W may be doing the same with this. I wonder if we open ourselves up to being their handymen we get a never ending stream of requests like this from them. Either way, not cancelling plans and offering to look tomorrow is a good choice too, just keep an eye on it if it keeps happening.
Not very fun amigo!!!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
You're not alone clearte. The emotional swings, especially when your mind isn't busy, can be brutal. Best you can do is focus on you and being the best dad you can be. Others have said its a marathon and not a sprint. Best we can do is GAL and focus on bettering ourselves to keep our sanity while the marathon plays out.
Keep your head up brother!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
super depressed, as always, not sure what to do. hate my life. miss my wife and kid. love them to pieces, wish i had some of my life back.
Ditto.
You might talk to your doctor about going on an anti-depressant for a few months. Primary care physicians can prescribe those, doesn't have to be a psychiatrist.
But anti-depressants take a little work to get right -- there are many different ones, and some work well for some and not for others, and some have side effects for some while not so much for others.
Not pushing anyone into it, but worth if you want to stop feeling like you're dying all the time.
My IC told me getting a divorce is the most stressful event that happens to a person, worse than PTSD.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
wow. what an informational Saturday. This will be a long one. thanks for reading! and your input!
my D was eager to tell me what happened with OM from other country. OM asked MY W to be his 'girl friend' (OM just turned 25 not sure his age matters) W said yes, but later found out OM has a girlfriend in his country. So W broke off all ties with him. Claims she doesn't love him anymore. Why in the world would my W tell this to our 10 year old?! What in the heck is she thinking? I told D that W is married and she cannot have "boyfriends" and I also told D never to do that! Also, If they are done, why aren't we back?!
Not sure why W feels the need to date, one of the reasons she gave me was she's never been single, 16, got with EXBF (D birth father cus she got pregnant) they were on and off until I arrived at 20yrs old (both of us). We fell in love, and she's been with me since.
I fixed the kitchen sink. W asked to take a look at the cable box. Forgot, will do tomorrow because Sunday is Family Game night. My W's love language is acts of service, which is why I'm hesitant not to do them...any direction here folks?
D mentioned W seemed extra happy today, D also said W is usually "ok" or "happy" but that lately when I come around she's been extra happy. Not letting it get to me. D said she'd keep a closer look. D has a habit of telling you what you want to hear, not such a credible source on this "observing" but felt nice to hear.
D also told me W and D are going to Mexico in October with W's nursing friend and are crashing their Family vacation. D mentioned W is scared to tell me because of how I will react, she does not want to make me mad since she canceled our first real vacation over our anniversary to Mexico this year (I was pretty pissed, and told her she was ruining my life. pre DR days of course) Knowing that, when my W finally tells me I will have been prepared and can act opposite of how she expects. I am deeply hurt, but not mad.
I had some good quality time with the D. (really working on my step-mothering, was a big problem I'm kind of strict, don't show my love for D, so everyone thinks I don't like her) We cleaned out her room and made room for Back to school clothes (I usually handle that while she's away with BF but I decided this year we could bond, that kid is messy!) W came in and asked if we wanted breakfast, W then came down with breakfast sandwiches and we sat on D's bed. W came in a few times thereafter to see what we were up to. W tried to have meaningless conversation with me, I avoided, Working on disengaging. W also showered came in to "chat" with really short shorts. Had to look away.
W is going to a party tonight, she made jello shots and deviled eggs, I told her to have a great time with her friends. Dropped D off at her sleepover. Annoyed I wasn't asked to watch her. But kept my mouth shut.
D leaves on Monday until the 14th, with cousins to another state. Going to work hard on disengaging and not pursuing my W.
Still very hopeful, just trying to keep a level head.
Please don't look at the cable box. The point was she FIRED you as her H so it's not your job any longer. Let her see what life without you would be. Be nice in Other ways but remember, you have your own life and you can't be at her neck and call! That makes it easier for her to slowly move away from you
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I would also encourage that you keep the discussions that you have with your d about your w to a minimum.
She should not be sharing things like that with you and you should not be asking questions or gathering Intel in this manner. It is not good to have the children in the middle. I know it is a challenge as my d18 and I regularly recommit to avoiding conversations about her mother. D18 will want to share a frustration or give me an update, and I catch myself asking how her mother is doing etc. But I have seen these conversations head down a bad path and I know it does no good.
Really no good can come from these conversations, so it is best to avoid them. Just my 2c and MHO
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
