How often does your W have your S overnight? Does she only spend Saturday and like an hour with him a day?
Right now, I'd say on average I have him 4 days and her 3. During the academic year, I'll have him most of the time because her schedule doesn't allow her to take him to preschool.
Well, she rang a few times this AM while I was putting my stuff away at work again. Then text me begging to answer, so I said what's up and she called. The asst teacher in S class has left, and there will be a new woman there Monday. I didn't know about this, so she let me know so I could ask the director when I picked him up. Legit info, but then she asked what my appointment Tuesday is for (she's an intelligent woman, she KNOWS it's for counseling), asked if I received her pics of S last night and when I said yes she asked why I didn't respond. She asked if I would contribute to a gift card to his new teacher, and said sure. He really likes his new teacher, and she works well with him. That's a big deal for us....
She said some other stuff, but I forgot honestly. I told her bye and got to work. Around 11:45, she sent a picture of the giftcard and I didn't say anything. I had a noon meeting and got back to my desk around 1:30. I responded and asked if I need to get her $25. She said yes, but no rush. Then she said she had to go because work was crazy. I validated and said that sounds really stressful for you. Good luck in the rest of your day. She said thank you, and to give S a big hug tonight.
After that, I started thinking of some new boundaries. I'm just not sure about how I'll keep on them. One is, in order to receive updates about S she'd have to prove she's no longer communicating with inappropriate people. I could ask for a no contact letter, or ask to see her phone randomly. And if she won't, then no updates. Not sure this would work, might be too soon to address this, and it might be perceived as jealousy.
Or Two, she knows I will update her about S after he goes to bed. If she asks prior to, or complains about the arrangement, no update for the night.
Three, we have equal access to our Facebook accounts. I restricted her after I found out she had restricted me, but I thought I took that off as I viewed it as petty. On my birthday (7/9) she mentioned it was in fact still restricted, and I said I'd take that off and asked her to do the same. She never followed through.
Thoughts on these?
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
