I'm so frustrated. I did 5 years of IC. Five. Three of those also had MC. I'm sitting at work now because I don't want to go home.
H is really mad at me. Last night, my D wanted to put a toy that normally doesn't go into the bath into the bath. I told her no, because I thought it would upset H who is out of town. I personally think it's silly, and had no problem with it, but from some previous experience with another similar situation, he became upset with it, so I said no, not for tonight, let's check with him when he comes home and if it's fine, then we can do it. D was very mad with me about this. Then we had a talk about how I was doing it so not to upset H because it made him worry, and we need to think about other people when we make decisions sometimes especially if we know it might make them upset.
Fast forward to this morning when he got home. H gets home before me, to greet D, who tells him in her own 5 year old way that I said that H was "mean" and wouldn't let her play with toys in the bath.
And this is the thing that gets me every time this plays out: he just believes her and flies off the handle at me.
Suddenly I'm trying to "brainwash our kids" and I am trying to "manipulate them to be in control." I explain to him my intentions; it doesn't matter.
It would be one thing if this was the first time it's happened. But it's not. There have been several times where I think I'm doing something that will make him happy, and he flips it around saying that I'm some diabolic a$$hole trying to make him look bad. And he gets this notion because rather than ask me, he gets this info from our child (who usually is not happy about whatever decision I've made and is ergo also very biased on the topic... developmentally appropriate).
I feel like lately all I do is walk on eggshells. Try not to piss him off, and inadvertently piss him off in that process. I cannot win.
I got a new job. I had been looking for a year to find a new job bc mine had turned a terrible corner (alcoholic team member, superiors who knew and did nothing, kept getting passed over for promotions, you name it). I begged him... BEGGED.... to let me stay home for a year or so. Maybe have kid number 3, which we've talked about extensively. Be home with S seeing as he's not really old enough to benefit from preschool. Be the room parent for D in her first year of school. But no. He told me I HAD to work. I HAD to find a job.
So I found one. Not in a school district, but much better. It fills my soul in ways I haven't felt in years.
And what does H do? He gives me sh!t about it constantly, saying that I'm away from the house more (not true) and that I'm spending more money (also not true). And to top it off, he had the audacity to say AFTER I started working at this new awesome job that I should have just stayed home, and he didn't understand why I wanted to work because he could take care of everything for the both of us financially. There's no way that we could have kid 3 now, because he would want want in before next summer, so it's out of the question now.
What. The. F@ck.
Why is he trying to sabotage us? Why? I feel like I'm being gas-lighted.
And when we devolve to this, my mind goes to the dark place.
He f@cked that woman, and I know it. And he still won't be honest about it. He abandoned me in one of my most vulnerable stages of life. He's a great daddy, but is he a great H? No. The kids will only be kids for a while and then what's left?
He did nothing for me for mother's day or my birthday this year. Nothing. I feel like he appreciates nothing I do. I'll get the "thank you for this meal, Mommy" from him, but it feels hallow. I'm admonished constantly for spending, but he refuses to let me see the shared accounts so I can properly analyze the spending patterns (for both of us). All of the sudden, he's trying to apply for international jobs despite the fact I've told him how much I love my new job and have no desire to leave it any time soon. I encouraged him for years to look internationally, and he didn't. I feel like he's just trying to find any way he can to trip me up and fall on my face. And all the while, he tells me that I'm the controlling jerk.
What the f@ck am I doing? What did I work so hard for? Where do I go from here?
What the f@ck am I doing? What did I work so hard for? Where do I go from here?
In many ways your H sounds a lot like I was to my W. Maybe not to the extreme you H is, but my W said she was walking on eggshells around me and I constantly belittled her. She finally left me and that opened my eyes and made me work on myself to change to what I used to be. I'm by no means advocating leaving your H since your sitch is much different, than mine, but I would figure out a way to go NC as much as possible.
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
