Albac, My wife screamed her lungs on the phone that we are done, not to call her or text her. To leave her alone because I am making her life miserable. The next day, she text me jokingly how things are going-which i now ignore. It is confusing. I go days with NC, then she temp checks me and I respond, she then makes me feel like I am harassing her.
Sounds like NC is somewhat working for you.
Me: 42 Her: 39 Kids: 2 ILYBNILWY: 5/17/2016 D-Day: 5/17/2016 Verified OM: 5/17/2016 Verified she told OM ILY: 5/21/2016 Moved Out: 5/19/2016
Raul, it is crazy there is no understanding what is going on with them. Just craziness but for the first time I am now controlling how I want things to be. As long as she wants to see someone else I need her to feel what it will be like without me around and I think over these last 5 days she is starting to understand I will not be there for her and I will not be her friend.
I will stay strong, and I know people say take it one day at a time but right now thinking of the future and knowing I will be fine regardless of if we can save our marriage or we move on to new things makes me feel better. Exciting times to come because I can't go any lower than where I am right now
ME- 31 W-25 T-5 M-3 D2 ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16 W seeing someone else - JUL16
Is it just me or is this really out of character for someone who says they are done and seeing someone else. I don't get it, I would have expected her to be pulling back and avoiding me but she isn't.
Here's my guess: she feels that she can -- or even feels like she really ought to -- try to salvage the platonic part of your relationship while jettisoning the romantic/sexual part of it. She probably thinks it's the right thing to do, as well as it makes her feel less guilty about what she's doing to your child. And since she's under major duress right now, her judgment about all of this is probably all messed up.
Regarding being a family despite a divorce/separation ... I think there is not a clear line on what's appropriate. My impression is is that some couples manage being able to do lots of things together with their kids, while others have to stay completely separate. Probably there are many who are in the middle.
So, I think for some couples, doing a single birthday celebration for a child does make sense. But I can see that for you, given how volatile and painful your current relationship is, it would make little sense to try to do it together.
Just my $0.02's worth....
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Thanks Gump, I think that's exactly what she is doing, trying to reduce her guilt for what she has done and feels like she owes it to our D to stay close to me so we can do "family" things together. I just can't do that, not any time soon anyway.
Next few months will tell the story.
ME- 31 W-25 T-5 M-3 D2 ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16 W seeing someone else - JUL16
Thanks Gump, I think that's exactly what she is doing, trying to reduce her guilt for what she has done and feels like she owes it to our D to stay close to me so we can do "family" things together. I just can't do that, not any time soon anyway.
Next few months will tell the story.
That's what I feel like my W is doing. She likes to say "I won't be cruel" as if destroying your son's family and cheating on your H isn't cruel. What a joke. Stay strong man. They use the kids as a weapon so it's hard sometimes.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
RSG, I know it's cruel what they are capable of. But like today I will be doing well keeping distance and little contact but my D comes first and I wanted to see her so that means I had to contact my W and then see her when I picked my D up and dropped her back. And knowing intersections like this will go on FOREVER is very hard to deal with.
ME- 31 W-25 T-5 M-3 D2 ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16 W seeing someone else - JUL16
Well this has been the worst week of my life so things can only get better I guess?
Having my W tell me about OM my D's birthday and my W's birthday all in the same week has really pushed me to my limits. Good news is I'm focusing hard on myself being happy and have cut off all contact with W that doesn't involve our D.
I really think after ready a lot of other posts on this board that my W is like so many. Is unhappy in herself and keeps trying to grab the next quick fix to give her happiness. Time will tell all but for now I need to work on trying to regain control of my thoughts so I can get back to peaceful sleeping and knowing I have done all I can for my D and to save my marriage.
I hope everyone is doing well. Stay strong.
ME- 31 W-25 T-5 M-3 D2 ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16 W seeing someone else - JUL16
You're on the right track Albac. Now what have you outlined for yourself in terms of GAL. Dont just let time pass. Make the most of the time you have. What are you doing for yourself this weekend??
Still feel like you are too caught up in her every move. Push yourself away from that. It is so important.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
