I told W that we should set some time to talk. She said with a bad attitude, what do you want to talk about exactly? I hope it's not to continue our last talk, because I am not going to agree with you. I asked if she was trying to avoid the subject altogether, she said there's nothing else to say about it. She added that she is committed, so I said maybe we need to talk about what she means by that. Our S6 was within earshot and she was already in b mode, so I stopped her from continuing and said another time would probably be better. On a more positive note: I drank a glass of wine and went to bed listening to some good music. Some sad R type songs came on, but I didnt shed any tears. I smiled a healthy smile and took deep breaths, I got chills...happiness and acceptance of my situation. It's a strange thing to be sad, but happy that I now recognize when I'm sad and accept it. Really live through the sadness like I have never been able to do in the past.
As a side note: music has always been a big part of my life, listening and creating it. This is one of those things I put on hold for years now to spend "more time" with an unhappy W. Any time I would get into a project I was excited about she would tell me that I needed to spend more time with her. The time I spent with her was never enough and so my desperately needed personal time was "taken" and resentment built from there. I didn't even listen to music anymore! She didn't really have hobbies of her own, so she was totally dependent on my time to keep her happy and entertained. Very unhealthy now that I look back on it. But now I'm past that and I'm so happy to be getting back into music as one of my GAL activities!
