Out of in house S - On My Own (11)

[vise82]

Hello,

Thanks for the input.

The issue isn't that she goes in the house. Its the fact that after I told her not to she goes in anyway. Its a trust issue now.

What happens is, I have my baby sitter open the house and meet W there for drop off. W has been the one there first and she opens the house and then the baby sitter shows up. I have the key in a lock box.

As you can see from this set up I have very little control. Its an honor system. I cant ask the babysitter to police it for me.

I think I will change the lock box code and only give it to the babysitter.

Yes W is the one that feeds off of drama.

With all this communication with her has been a step back for detaching. I am yearning for her and I had a dream of her last night. I am having thoughts of inviting her over so we can go over some loose ends with the bank account that is still open.

I am also want what some on here said is closure. I want to know if she thinks we are done and then we can just file for D. Not sure if that is what I really want but it keeps crossing my mind.

I assume that this is all normal. I need more time as she still has too much of an effect on me. I am doing good with my contact and not texting, but its so tempting to let loose and go with my feelings.

I also have to watch that I don't try to engage with this battle just so I can have contact with her, even if its bad contact.

I think what would help me (and hurt me) is to know if there is OM in her life. If she has slept with anyone. That would close my heart to her, that would give me closure, that would give me a new BD but maybe from there my heart could start healing. because I seen her car was not there this morning, I thought I could handle it but clearly not. Maybe the long way avoiding her street is really the best way.

One day at a time.