It sounds like your approach was very well stated. It was not preachy or blaming her for not doing her share.
Do you have someone that comes to clean house? Is there someone near (maybe a teenage niece) who would run errands, take the kids to their activities, help fix their breakfast and lunches, or do odd jobs for a little extra cash? Anyway you and your W can get help with these type of things, may relieve some pressure, and the more stress you relief you have at home........the better for you and the MR.
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I should be happy at progress...but a part of me nags at me that this is my W being nice and accommodating as she is normally, rather than saying let me work on our MR for a R.
Smithy, I hope you will really take this piece of advice. Do not bring the topic of the MR into a discussion (written or verbal) about another subject. If/when you insert just one sentence pointing to the MR, your W will get defensive and have a negative attitude. It will overshadow everything else you say in the conversation.
Keep every discussion (written or verbal) to one subject. Don't try to cover two or three things at once. The only exception, I can think of at the moment, is if it was outlining your work schedule, kids activities, or something along those lines. The goal is to prevent yourself from making any statements about the relationship. When the MR is the number one thing on your mind, it is difficult to not make some kind of statement, directly or indirectly, about it. Your discussions with your W will be more successful and more receptive if you will stick to one subject. I think your W could see your situation more clearly b/c it was clouded by making references to the MR.
I have observed how many LBS's want to "remind" the other spouse of their M situation. It's not likely the other spouse has forgotten. Personally, I think it is a "need" the LBS has, to make references to the MR. Understandable, since it is front & center in the thinking of the LBS.
Again, I think your talk went well.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
