New here and separated

[Coly23]

H is due to come over tonight to have dinner with us. Tonight is the first time I feel really nervous about seeing him but not in a good way. Although it's only been a week since I have gone semi dark I already feel like he is a stranger to me. The feelings I had for him are starting to get buried beneath the hopelessness and complete lack of control over the situation. Maybe this is acceptance? I feel so utterly sad about the situation especially as he seems quite happy to come over once a week to have dinner with us and then walk away at the end of the evening. I know I can't know what he is thinking but in my heart I feel that he definitely does not have any love for me as a husband to a wife. Maybe he is a little fond of me or tolerates me for the sake of my step daughter. I've just got to take a deep breath and put my best smile on this evening and then consider whether this arrangement is working for me or not....