Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 2)

[JRuss]

Interesting wrinkle to report. Not sure what it means, if anything. I talked my parents into driving down from where they live to take my kids camping. They're going to take them about an hour from where we live and will have them for 4 days, 3 nights. I had assumed that they'd come here and stay overnight as part of that, pick up the kids and go to the campground, but my mother texted me and asked if I could bring the kids there Sunday and pick them up Wednesday night.

The Wednesday pickup isn't particularly appealing given my work schedule (two hours of driving after work), but I'm fine doing it. My dad had to have his hip replaced last year and hasn't been able to travel much, and I've been concerned that my kids aren't seeing their grandparents enough, so I am happy to do it to facilitate some quality time for the four of them.

Anyway, I mentioned the need to drive the kids to my W, and she immediately said "It's because of me. They don't want to see me". She then proceeded to get pretty upset, saying things like "I don't want them to hate me. I don't want to be a pariah for 20 years". I'm thinking to myself, "Well, then don't break their son's bleeping heart" and also not really making sense of the 20 years part. Does she think she's going to have a relationship with my parents in 20 years, 18 years or so after she divorces me? Or is she just getting actuarial -- they're almost 70?

So my mind was flopping around a lot, so I didn't really validate much. Just listened, didn't say a lot, but then said that I think it was mainly just an attempt by my parents to avoid an extra 4 hours of driving (they're already driving 8 hours each way).

So she's definitely still in the "we're divorcing" mindset, I think, but instances like this really make me think she hasn't thought a lot of this through. How could she think my parents are going to stay buddy buddy with a woman who'd throw their son and children under the bus without even trying MC for a nanosecond? She's always been very together and practical and calm, and I just get the sense that she's put the cart (D talk) before the horse (thinking through what a D will be like).

This is I think a pretty good opportunity to show her what it would be like (and she'd hopefully not like it), but I again struggle with how to do that when we live together and are trying to keep the kids from knowing anything's amiss yet.

GAL and 180s seem to be doable and workable, but the going dark actions don't seem possible in light our living arrangement. Next week, when the kids are with my folks, and we're in the house alone together, will be interesting. That's an opportunity for me to make some headway, I think, by not being accessible and reliably "there". Any practical advice?