Keeps getting worse, 180 not working

[Buxom]

Thank you so much SH!
I am very emotional and reactive. His comments and lack of contact while away threw me. Almost felt like he was doing 180.
I am doing most of what you suggest, IC, meds, sleep aids, DB coach, loads of reading (DR, solo partner, letting go meditations, on boundaries and I almost daily review articles from Cadet's list), and I talk with three really close friends whom I trust with my life.
Church has never been a part of my life, until we married, but then it was mostly a fabulous social group. WH grew up in a conservative Mennonite home but turned away from the church just prior to his MLC began. It was one of the first times.
I have tried to be consistent and I've been successful more when he's around and then I fall apart and stress while I'm going about my GAL. I know the changes are not solid and that it likely shows thru or reeks of upset and needy.
My mind is so hard to control right now, intrusive thots of everything from what have I done wrong (lately, I'm not blaming myself for A or MLC etc, just my inaction up to 6 weeks ago) . It just keeps getting worse, but I've read that is to be expected. My stress increases when it's a bad day and I work at getting off the rollercoaster. My desire to fix is quite engrained. I'm also scared. I never wanted a divorce and up til now thot he was my sole mate.

Thanks for all the advice and support!! Please drop by when you can as I'm feeling so alone.