My time in Newcombers has come to an end. My life is more of the ordinary things and life events around a D, such as fins.
During my time in Newcombers I decided to post to a Newcomber a week, someone whose story involved pain and distress. I could not cope with more. Some never responded, others moved on and some became part of my tribe. I will be posting as much as I can for those in seriously abusive situations, sadly I know a little of those and for those who are struggling with compulsion and addiction.
My stay in Newcombers has been a very long one- 2 years plus the 6 months I lurked. I move straight to Surviving the big D with no detours. Whilst xWH is lost in MLC, he has probably been there in denial for a very long time, longer than our R. He may have an undiagnosed personality disorder. His circus and his monkeys. I am not waiting or holding hope for R.
My M is done and whilst I am very sad and I still love xWH on some level. I recognise it's finished and I have made sure there is no way back. I expect at some stage the destructive force that is xWH will come back into my life looking to retarget me for resources. My mantra stands " I will not be abused" and that is in any way.
I am NC with xWH and have been so since 2 May 2015. It has helped although still he manages to trigger me.
The current activities include hacking, uploading inappropriate pictures to Facebook, smear campaigns, threatening to sue me, accusing me of theft, writing inappropriate letters to my L.
Living with a Russian Italian Tramp in Italy whilst pretending to be in the UK. A woman who trawls the expensive golf hotels of Europe looking for male companionship with money. (Short straw with xWH then, wonder if she has guessed yet?).
A man who is going to sue me for every penny he paid into our joint account for Bills because he thinks he paid too much.
Conspiring with an ex-client to defraud me. Setting me up with fake dating profiles in crazy parts of the world I have never been or ever expect to go to.
However I no longer live in fear and clever nephew is going to live with me here at the big house.
I am beginning to heal and this is my world. I am lonely sometimes and I prefer it to the destruction of xWH.
I like peace and prosperity in my life. I am a gentle empathetic soul. I was before xWH known as attractive and I lost that part of me. I am finding the scented powerful Vanilla instead of the plain Vanilla I was when I came here.
I have a long term respiratory condition I call fungus lung, my new part personality. 15 lbs of excess weight from steroids and I don't sleep very much. I trigger at the slightest thing and suffer from complex PTSD. My fins are in a mess. I no longer tread water though, I am swiming against the tide.
For all that this journey has been one of enormous learning and growth for me and as I arrive at the first staging post on my Everest I know I have begun this climb with enormously powerful allies. A harder climb is ahead of me and I will need wonderful sage advice.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
