Wow: MS - your statement is awesome. I have been saying to myself and to W that I wish we had this crisis 10 years ago. As I too feel a little freer than I have in years. Thank you for your statement, I know in time we will be able to "pity" our WS as they will be fueled by their anger and resentment - not by healing.
MS - You rock.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Bigybiz, I hear you in wishing it happened earlier. So much pain would have been averted, but I don't know if I would have been able to grow in quite the same way. I think my garden needed the pile of trash to decompose in order to really flourish. 10 years ago I probably just would have found an easy way to cope.
I am not feeling as peaceful today as I was last night. I had another altercation with WH. Another conversation about an issue with the kids turned into a barrage of insults--and probably one of the meanest and untrue thing he could say about my mom. I made the mistake of defending myself with the knowledge that I have gained while learning about narc abuse which he in turn projected back on me tell him he has been reading all of the same books. It gave me pause. Another hesitation--is he right? But then I took a deep breath. Because I have compassion, empathy, loyalty. I am capable of unconditional love. I don't always behave or react perfectly--although I have gotten much better, but there is a difference in my intent.
I am still confusing sticking up for myself and insulting him. There was nothing that I said today that was insulting, just pointing out some discrepancies. I shouldn't have engaged at all. I should have ended the conversation as soon as it turned sour. I gained some intel though. He has no intention of negotiating. We are going to trial. He still acts like he is in agreement of almost all of the terms and made some vague statements about what he is opposed to. But rather than trying to negotiate or let on what the issues are, he just wants to go to trial. I think his goal is to just run up my legal fees since he somehow manipulated his into taking him on for free.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
Please Google high conflict divorce. There is no point in mediation wit has a high conflict personality.
Straight to court and nail it, you will need to know your stuff and it will cost if L does some of the work.
Know everything you can about OW, how much she earns because if he lives with OW you get more. All of the dirt.
It will hurt honey, it is pain like you have never known, lies, manipulations. You will need all the paper you can get.
And three words,cards close chest.
Keep on posting it's going to be a bumpy ride and you will see behaviour so vile you would not believe. The courts may be used againsto you. There are good Ls that can deal with this type of behaviour ensure you have one.
Believe nothing you are told. Stay so calm and truth darts are of little use.
I am going to extend the abuse thread to high conflict divorce in the next few weeks. I would be grateful for your observations.
I am D but no fins done yet that is my conflict.
It's tough to stay centred and remain composed. To try and wish the best for WH in his new R.
Keep posting Msd.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
V, I will definitely look out for it. I spoke to L today. He isn't worried at all. Him and his L already have a lot of blots against them and the judge has already had to intervene due to their unorthodox ways. The L even got fined. If we go down that path it is going to cost him more than me, even though his whole point in doing this is to make my legal fees so high that the support he gives me is cancelled out by the expense it took to get there.
My L today said, "I think your H is the biggest narc I ever dealt with. How did you ever live with someone whose words and actions never add up?" I just laughed because I ask myself that question every day. He's good at his game and I was naive. I believed in the prince charming--and needed to believe it was true when contradictions appeared. I talked myself out of reality almost as well as he talked me out of it. It is telling when your L who deals only with D and has been in the business for a long time says that. He had my whole family fooled. He has everyone fooled--because he has the golden boy persona. He is a prince alright, but an entitled one--not a heroic one. And now he is branding himself as a philantropist. Designed a logo to show it so it must be true--right? He will do a little charity work. Have tee shirts made up. Change the image of his little side business hobby to be all for charity. Always the good guy.
I'm starting to feel actually GRATEFUL for OW. I almost want to thank her for taking him off of my hands.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
Him and his L already have a lot of blots against them and the judge has already had to intervene due to their unorthodox ways. The L even got fined.
The HIM in this sentence is naturally referring to H, not L.
In H's tirade of insults he really just started throwing anything out there that he could. And one of his comments was, "The only thing I will remember about you is EDGAR ALLEN POE". I just burst out laughing. He was trying to use it as some sort of threat about the dirt he has on me because he read my high school journals. Like most teenage girls I liked to explore my dark side, but I was so bubble gum about it. I read them now and cringe and laugh. Anyway, I decided to take it as a compliment--although anyone who has ever read anything I wrote would never mistake my writings for AAP's--as is evident in the lack of clarity when using pronouns and my meandering thoughts.
I decided from now on that any insult he throws at me is actually a compliment. The fact that he has to resort to such tactics proves that I have grown strong enough where he no longer sees me as an easy source of supply. It's when the sweet cycle starts that I realize I must be showing some vulnerability.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
But regardless of how he sees me, it is definitely time for me to perfect the gray rock. I haven't been so good at it because I am happy and I want to show everyone that I am doing well. I realize with H that is not in my best interest. It is just hard to remember to do it.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
V, I will definitely look out for it. I spoke to L today. He isn't worried at all. Him and his L already have a lot of blots against them and the judge has already had to intervene due to their unorthodox ways. The L even got fined. If we go down that path it is going to cost him more than me, even though his whole point in doing this is to make my legal fees so high that the support he gives me is cancelled out by the expense it took to get there.
My L today said, "I think your H is the biggest narc I ever dealt with. How did you ever live with someone whose words and actions never add up?" I just laughed because I ask myself that question every day. He's good at his game and I was naive. I believed in the prince charming--and needed to believe it was true when contradictions appeared. I talked myself out of reality almost as well as he talked me out of it. It is telling when your L who deals only with D and has been in the business for a long time says that. He had my whole family fooled. He has everyone fooled--because he has the golden boy persona. He is a prince alright, but an entitled one--not a heroic one. And now he is branding himself as a philantropist. Designed a logo to show it so it must be true--right? He will do a little charity work. Have tee shirts made up. Change the image of his little side business hobby to be all for charity. Always the good guy.
I'm starting to feel actually GRATEFUL for OW. I almost want to thank her for taking him off of my hands.
The saying " Birds of a feather flock together" and when folks say that people's dogs take on the traits of their owners, never made me think of a d bag WH and his equally d bag lawyer, but now I see how it would apply.
It is pretty sickening to read this and my heart and prayers go out to you mustardseed. I do believe strongly in the powers that lady Karma has, and I would love to be around when she plants her sweet kiss on this man's (and his l) cheek. It's gonna leave a mark I tell ya. You have such a sweet disposition and the tenacity of a warrior queen, and this will aid you through this most unfortunate storm. Chin up sister. Nothing he says brings any value to this card game. He's all bluffs and hot air at best. He does not even deserve,.........well, he does not deserve anything that is related to you past, present nor future.
Be well Ms, and maintain that air of confidence that you share here. You are not the image he paints. You are strong, confident, patient woman with a much brighter future ahead. Remember this.
Originally Posted By: mustardseed
Thanks for the support everyone.
V, I will definitely look out for it. I spoke to L today. He isn't worried at all. Him and his L already have a lot of blots against them and the judge has already had to intervene due to their unorthodox ways. The L even got fined. If we go down that path it is going to cost him more than me, even though his whole point in doing this is to make my legal fees so high that the support he gives me is cancelled out by the expense it took to get there.
My L today said, "I think your H is the biggest narc I ever dealt with. How did you ever live with someone whose words and actions never add up?" I just laughed because I ask myself that question every day. He's good at his game and I was naive. I believed in the prince charming--and needed to believe it was true when contradictions appeared. I talked myself out of reality almost as well as he talked me out of it. It is telling when your L who deals only with D and has been in the business for a long time says that. He had my whole family fooled. He has everyone fooled--because he has the golden boy persona. He is a prince alright, but an entitled one--not a heroic one. And now he is branding himself as a philantropist. Designed a logo to show it so it must be true--right? He will do a little charity work. Have tee shirts made up. Change the image of his little side business hobby to be all for charity. Always the good guy.
I'm starting to feel actually GRATEFUL for OW. I almost want to thank her for taking him off of my hands.
The saying " Birds of a feather flock together" and when folks say that people's dogs take on the traits of their owners, never made me think of a d bag WH and his equally d bag lawyer, but now I see how it would apply.
It is pretty sickening to read this and my heart and prayers go out to you mustardseed. I do believe strongly in the powers that lady Karma has, and I would love to be around when she plants her sweet kiss on this man's (and his l) cheek. It's gonna leave a mark I tell ya. You have such a sweet disposition and the tenacity of a warrior queen, and this will aid you through this most unfortunate storm. Chin up sister. Nothing he says brings any value to this card game. He's all bluffs and hot air at best. He does not even deserve,.........well, he does not deserve anything that is related to you past, present nor future.
Be well Ms, and maintain that air of confidence that you share here. You are not the image he paints. You are strong, confident, patient woman with a much brighter future ahead. Remember this.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
