New and going through a Hybrid Seperation

[sandi2]

Did your W experience child abuse or some traumatic experience? Other than the M problems, has she suffered some type of emotional loss in the last few yers.......like a family member, friends, etc.?

I want to share something with you. Years ago, I was a miserable mess. I had been under a lot of stress for a very long time; my MR was very lacking; I had health issues; ......and I become involved in an A. I stumbled across the DB forum one day and, long story short.... I am still in my M. The point I wanted to share is that nobody on the forum would side with me, or agree that my H was bad enough to justify me having an A. I discovered the opinion of the forum.....as well as the cold, hard truth, was that nothing excused my A. In my mind, I may not have been perfect....but I saw myself as a good wife...in most areas......except, I succumb to the attention of another man. Shocking? That was my mindset at the time, and the more I was told there were no excuses for an A......the more frustrated I became.

You are brave to admit your faults. I could be wrong, but I wonder if you don't see yourself as basically being a good family man........except you have this one area. I base this on the good qualities you shared before you told about the bad.......(we all have some good and some not so good). I am probably one of the more bluntly-speaking of the posters on the board, so please realize I am not trying to be nasty or pick on you.

Just as there were no excuses for my cheating........there are no excuses for your behavior, either. I believe you know it, and perhaps you are not even subconsciously seeking "understanding" in your situation. You have been open about what you've done and you are putting forth effort to change. Accepting responsibility and putting forth 100% effort to change yourself first......is the starting place. It was hard for me, b/c I wanted to place blame for my actions.

So, I hope you will stick with improving yourself. Focus on the only adult you can control.......which is you. You may hear this often around the board. I hope you continue to post, and read what is recommended.