The lie continues...

[CT1118]

So I have spent the past three days since I did the 2nd BD thinking and reading about MLC. The things my WW said to me during that BD just sounded like something things she said before, many times - like way before the A, and she said them again during the BD and she said them again after, and then again three days ago. When I thought about it, the things she said never really wavered or changed. I realized I had been so focused on the A and/or the AP as well as on my hopes to get her back, that these these were not clicking in my head.
I had to BD the 2nd time. I spent a great deal of my earlier posts trying to get an answer on whether or not to tell her.

Finally I realized the answers were all through the thread from various people "tell her if you need to, but do it for you...be prepared for the consequences". Well, I realized this weekend that the constant lies were a boundary for me, while I did not wish to hear of her plans with her AP, I also did not wish to hear lies about it. And while WW was speaking during the 2nd BD I knew I had not been paying attention (did not tell her that). I am glad I confronted the A a 2nd time though - glad because it released me in many ways to truly pursue detachment. Its begun, but I have more road to travel than I realized - silly me.

So, three days of reading - I am convinced (no, Im not a doctor) that WW is in an MLC. I took notes from books, website, and posts from the MLC forums here. WW has so many of the symptoms that I felt like I was reading the story of her life. As I understand it so far, this is a whole lot different than we were having marriage problems and she simply wanted a new thrill in life, which is what I was focused on. The A is a big part of it, but it is also a normal response during these times for men and women.

Best as I can tell, she is in stage 3 of this whole thing.I want to stay married, but I am committed to myself being healthy one way or the other. I think my biggest challenge is re-writing an alternative future. Not to give up hope, but to understand that hope can exist simultaneously beside the reality of my life - which is to prepare for a future which may not include her.

I understand that I am now in a different type of response zone from my reading. Would love some advice. I doubt I am the only person here who began their focus on just the A and then came to realize that this was not the only problem. From what I have read about my stages of recovery, I think I am on a pretty good track with my thoughts. How to let go without full dark. How to be nice without showing my hand. How to help myself and know that this is not just for gaining WW's attention directly, but knowing WW will notice.