This week has been even busier than normal if you believe that.
Thursday last week I took wife and kids downtown to see Bryan Adams Concert. wanted to make a day of it but, A - too hot, B - work meetings got added last minute, C - Grandma went into hospital. We went to see her, then went down to the lake for the concert. Spent a good amount of time wandering around, got ice cream...got to our seats and the show was cancelled 10 minutes before start time due to severe weather.
Friday & Saturday did a bunch of this and that with W and Kids.
Sunday did a whole day Roller Derby event in Springfield, was gone ALL day. Monday after work took wife to dinner and went downtown to see white sox - Cubs game. tues and wed had derby practice (didn't go out after, wanted to see boys before bed).
So tonight I am planning on extra time with boys.
As for seeing a breakthrough. Sooner or later something will turn. who knows what that will look like. I have given up a lot of hope that it will be an outcome that I have hoped for. I've seen too much to believe that everything will just work out and as long as wife maintains the distance and the walls...who knows. I've stopped wasting so much of my energy on that tunnel.
I have read lots of the threads I've posted to, over again. to keep up to pace on what has transpired. so yes I do read my own posts to others. sometimes I wonder what mood I was in when I posted because there is slight variations in my posts.
I appreciate that you believe that what I've thought and typed have helped. I feel good about helping and that is something that I see as a part of who I want to be. all I can do is voice what I know in my heart and hope it helps. else, I can accept that not everyone will agree with what I have to say.
I've read your threads multiple times. I am very excited to see you blossoming and growing into a man you like! I know the interactions with your wife are strained, but as I've said...the resentment that drives the divorce bus is sooooo hard for a woman to let go, that it takes a ton of time for her to see these changes and believe they are real.
I've had my wife test me so many times it would seem, to check. like she will pose questions that in the past I would have taken personally and gotten upset about. Or she will request things that in the past I would just say no too, because I was being to lazy or uncomfortable going to or whatever. she is testing and I am showing who I want to be, not the passive aggressive A-hole that I once was (not really so long ago I guess).
It may not seem like it to you, but I believe you are doing great!
I am taking good care of myself. physically and emotionally. I had a thought yesterday as I was getting ready for work. I had just gotten a haircut and I've been growing a beard for last few weeks and it was a stark contrast to what I used to look like. I saw a selfie I took 2 years ago pop up on the Turn back Time things on FB. it was literally the day I decided to change my life around. it was a definite low water mark for Mark. I go out a ton more than I used to, new friends, hanging our with folks I didn't even know 6 months ago, new hobbies, actually taking care of what I look like, new clothes, keeping in better shape. Comparing that dude to me now, big difference...in a good way.
and no, I am not in the habit of taking selfies
Lunch is over and I've got to stay focused. too long have I not been, while here at the office and that needs to be a priority to stop (one of the reasons I do not post as much as I used to, I don't dally on the forums as much - free time at night is a premium too).
