Agreed Natus, but what i'm saying is - what are the motives behind what we do? If it is simply to get a different (re)action out of people, then it is an implicit control mechanism.
But we simply do not have control over anyone. Don't get me wrong, there are always better ways to communicate and many ways to lose an opportunity to show empathy. But why do we do this?
If it's to draw someone towards us, paint a pretty picture, remain a light-house - then we're doing it for the wrong reasons. If we're doing it cos we love and respect ourselves and we share that love with them, then it's the right reasons. Whether they love and respect us is redundant.
You are a direct person, this is who you are, if someone does not love you for it, if you cannot be yourself around that person, then you will just lose yourself. In varying environments, you need to have emotional intelligence and alter that. But in your safety and comfort zone - Don't lose what makes you unique.
I'm over-analytical, i speak my mind and say things the way they are. I've stated it before and said that XWW never liked that about me. But that is me, who wants to be with someone that does not want me for me? I DON'T.
I would say that the correct reason is because we love and respect them and want to interact with them in a way that helps them feel loved and respected. Can we control how they feel? No, but we can be the best spouse we can be in that moment, and then keep working to improve.
It sounds like you are saying you shouldn't have to speak kindly to your spouse. Is that what you are saying?
You shared in the past that on your honeymoon, you told your wife she was fat. Is that an example of "saying things the way they are"?
I know people have a tendency to behave worse at home than in public, but I've never considered that a good thing.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
