Just Tired

[TiredTN]

"Are you trying to talk yourself into giving up or seeking sympathy for your lousy situation?" Maybe both!!

Yes, you are right, focusing on the negatives only makes it worse. I have started to try and set better boundaries. I've tried not to "bite" when she makes comments that would generally lead us down the path to an argument, but that's difficult because it can involve the kids education or activities and those things need to be discussed...it's just tough having a sane adult conversation about them.

"What way have you contributed to the downfall of your M.?" I'd say I've been an enabler. I haven't stood up for myself enough, I've played ball when she wants to argue or lie about things. Today for instance my son was asking how we ended up in the town we are in. I began telling him when she interrupted and said that what I was saying was not the reason at all. I let her finish and then proceeded to tell my son the rest of the real story. Surprisingly, after hearing it she didn't continue to try and argue, but just kind of shut up.

As far as what can I do to change the situation? I don't know. At this point I am working on boundaries on all sorts of levels. I read some articles about people who are divorced, but still living together for financial reasons. Several points it made were that you have to treat other with respect, no sex, and everyone has to carry their weight. The no sex thing has kind of been taking care of itself. Treating her with respect is mainly trying to keep the kids in line, but not let her run over them. If I make a mess in the kitchen I clean it up...like I would if I lived alone...clean up your own messes. I have started sorting my laundry separate from hers...seems like a small thing.

"Changing how I feel about the situation." The situation is I feel like part of my life has been on hold. Part of that I think is just having kids, but part of it is our relationship. There are things that I used to do that I just don't know. I used to read a lot of books (novels). I haven't read a good book in years. Again, some of that is kids, but some of that isn't. I kind of have to rediscover myself and how I want to feel about the situation.

Lately...I think I have been more at peace that if the relationship does end that it won't be the end of the world.