If 180s make our marriage happier and reduce moments of tension while increasing connection, that seems like a good thing for H, for our four kids, and for me.
I agree with this if the spouse was still in the M. As in atleast trying alittle bit. But if they are completely wayward (in DDJ's case) or completely uninterested (my STBXW). Then its function may be less to do with saving the marriage but more for one ownself and to make interactions more pleasant.
For instance i had to 180 a few ways on how i communicated with STBXW. She thought i was authoritive, self rightous etc. I try to do the right things and im blunt (grew up in all boys family) so i can see how maybe i could come across that way. So now i 180, im still trying to do the right things but present them with empathy instead of directness. Too late for my M but will help in my future interactions with anyone.
Same with your pouting thing Rose, if you didnt save your M, through your 180s you would still realise it was an unattractive behavior for other interactions aswell.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
