Uncharted Waters

[2Times2Many]

Thanks Job. I think those darts hit the bull's eye and I also think he needed to know how I felt. I shudder to think what he will come up with next.

You are so right. For him, it's all about the money and it has been for some time. And you're also right that he can't see two feet in front of him. A D would be far more detrimental (financially) to him than to me. I think he's (once again) thinking with the little head.

This is my biggest dilemma. I don't want him to come back because of the money. There is no doubt in my mind that if he didn't think he "needed" me in the company, he would have already filed and we'd be divorced. I truly am a donkey in his eyes, whether he wants to admit that to himself or not. I figured that one out a long time ago.

He could buy me out if he wanted a D bad enough. And his company would survive my absence. He'd just have to invest more of his time into it, which wouldn't allow him to live as he has been lately. I've made that possible and it sticks in my craw sometimes.

I know all the flattery and accolades about being a "superstar" when it comes to company finances are just his attempts to manipulate me into doing what he wants ... letting him have his cake and eat it too. But it doesn't work anymore. I might be afraid of facing an unknown future without a clear direction but I'm not afraid of losing him. I'm not going to fall for his manipulative games anymore. I don't think he's figured that out yet.

There is so much going through my mind right now. I'm still pondering why I even want this guy back. My IC has her work cut out for her tomorrow.

Anyway, I bought my ticket to see "Bad Moms" this weekend. It looks like it may be kind of raunchy, but hopefully funny.

I had to make an appt to take my little sports car (my MLC car? Gee. If he can have one, so can I! ) into the shop next week for a repair that I discovered was needed a couple of day ago. Fortunately, it's still under warranty, so that shouldn't be too bad.

My "test" to live on my retirement income without the additional funds from the company went well this month, but there were no insurance or tax bills to pay. So onward to next month. I really hope it works out that I can stay in this house after a potential D because I like it here. We shall see

HaWho, I thought about you a couple of nights ago and chuckled about the locked dorm room. I was headed to bed and wanted to tell H the alarm was set (he goes outside to smoke). I knocked on his door, waited a few seconds and was going to crack it so I didn't have to yell through the door. It was locked. A smile crossed my face and I thought about you.

I also thought, "What the h3ll? Are you afraid I'll walk in while you're in a state of undress? I've seen your talliwhacky (my Mom's term) a gazillion times. Did you get it pierced or something?"

Hey, sometimes you have to find the humor in all this drama.

Best to everyone.

2T