Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 2)

[EDF]

I was doing everything with an eye on W to see if any of it was working...

This is the paradox I wrestle with constantly.... how can you honestly let something go knowing that your motivation for letting go is to keep it?

There were a few things that helped me a lot mentally.

• Picking GAL activities that were really about me and focusing on why I wanted to do those things for myself.
• Setting and working towards personal goals/milestones, and not telling WW about them.
• Like darknes points out, the original marriage is dead. Whenever I find myself worrying I might lose the W or the W is slipping away, I remind myself she is already gone. the more I came to understand that, the better I was able to really see the WW that replaced my wife, and strike a better balance of being detached emotionally from her rollercoaster, while being upbeat & positive in myself, without being clingy to her.