Cadet - Thanks for asking. First, I have started IC with an anger mgmt specialist. I am being honest to the root to my issues to my wife; so, that she understand at a certain level why I have acted that way. I am being conscience on how my behavior is impactful to those around me (sad statement because these are the most important people in my life).
Here's the kicker: I like a lot of you work in the professional environment with many stresses with people internally and externally. I don't get angry, rage, or do things that will be negatively consequential to my job. So, I have always had the coping skills to control my so called anger issues. These are people that are not even in anywhere near important to me as my W or kids; however, why I didn't use these same coping skills with my family is something I have no excuses for.
Lastly, my IC agrees with my statement, in a way I needed this wake-up call, because it was very obvious I was not going to voluntarily change my selfish/destructive behavior. Now that I understand the real consequences, i am committed to do everything to change and improve/better myself. I pray is not too late where it concerns my W.
OK - I hear all this, the trick is to make these changes for YOU. Not to win her back. Do not use any words but make these changes so someone will know by your ACTIONS that you have changed.
And I agree with DOODLER. No matter what our transgressions and faults were we did not cause this. We are only responsible for 50% of the marriage. I am not saying that you should not put in 100% towards this 50% however she also has a 50% responsibility. And LOVE is a CHOICE.
Right now she thinks its a feeling. Believe me when I say it is a choice not a feeling.
