Oh, and about a week ago, I got a text out of the blue from H.
It was a bit different to the previous ones he's written. He started by saying that it was good to have seen me at the event we were both at, and that he was sure we would get a chance to chat at some point.
Then he asked for something, providing me with a long explanation as to why he needed it.
He ended by saying he hoped I was well (in Scots) and signed his name.
Well, part of me can't help wondering if he sent the text (and writing those things) because of how I'd been at the event we were both at? Who knows.
Anyway, I got it while I was at my job. I did feel my heart pound slightly when I saw there was a text from him (more a feeling of dread than anything else), but that feeling was gone after a couple of minutes. And I was able to carry on and concentrate fully on my work.
I haven't replied yet.
I don't really think I want to see him, or meet up with him. I feel very happy living my life as it is. I'm really enjoying discovering myself, being who I am, and changing as time passes. I'm not interested in being his friend either.
At the moment I'm planning on waiting out the two year separation deadline that Scots law stipulates before one partner can divorce another, without the other partner being able to contest the divorce.
I think it was darknes who posted about each spouse going down a different path, at different speeds, at BD. And that those paths may (or may not) cross at some future point. And that each spouse may find themselves at the crossing at the same time as the other, or they may not.
To me that illustrates the very slim chances of finding each other again after BD.
I feel pretty much detached at this precise point in time.
Do I want to see him again? No.
Do I miss him? No. What I miss is what we had for the first ten years of our M. I don't miss what went on in the last five years of our M, or the person he became. I do also feel overwhelmingly sad for what was lost. But there you go, it is what it is.
