Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 2)

[EDF]

It is so discouraging knowing that the hundreds of hours of meditation, IC, getting fit, teaching myself how to listen, completely eradicating my temper from our lives for at least the last year -- addressing and changing everything I've been told was part of the problem -- all just amount to "tweaks" in her mind.

Don't forget the "believe nothing they say" rule! WW's are not in a stable place emotionally or mentally, and logic does not rule in that house. That does not only apply to what they say to you, but also to what they say to other people!

Your WW might truly believe it or might not. She might believe it some times and then change her mind. She might believe it now but not believe it next week/month/year. She might say things to garner support, to hear someone reaffirm to her that her craziness is "doing the right thing", to avoid confronting reality, or purely for a sake of continuity. Who knows?!

When a rebellious teenager shouts they hate their parents and will always hate them, do we take it at face value?

I know it doesn't stop it from stinging, but if there is one thing I am really certain of from my own sitch it's that what my WW said to me and other people really was all over the place. I had gained access to her emails and texts and saw exactly how she described things to various people, and she would privately describe the exact same event half a dozen different ways to different people! One person she might gush about having a great weekend with me. Another person she would tell about her fun weekend but completely omit that I was there. Someone else she would just complain about some random thing I did "wrong". Another person she might say her weekend was "just ok."

Just keep that in mind when they say stuff that hurts.