Cherry- operation sass!

[bigybiz]

Cherry:

If it's OK I'd like to tell you my story. It maybe a little long but, there is an important lesson.

22 years ago my W and conceived a child, we weren't married, we had just started a "serious" relationship. We both vowed that we were not going to be parents and would be career focused. To add to this W was still not divorced from her 1st marriage.

I panicked. I did not want to be a parent, I thought it was a trap, etc, etc, We almost gave up the baby for adoption, then my sister said she would raise it. W decided she would be a single mother. For the next 6 months, we had a weirdo relationship. I would see W and daughter a little. We went back and forth on what was going to happen. After she started talking about moving to Calgary and possibly marrying the next man that would be a love and care for D20, it really changed my thinking. Finally, I realized that I needed to step up and be a husband and father.

Here is the important part. W and I never became a couple, she never really forgave me for not saying we'd get married the day she found out she was pregnant. She would punish me with that for years. As a result we never connected, we hid things from each other and here we are.

Expecting a new baby can really motivate a man (ask me I know). I hope that your family will be rebuilt. I hope that the arrival of your new baby will be bring H back. If he feels trapped, he will be resentful. You can't let him off the hook either (since he is already a parent he get's the responsibility part).

I don't have any solutions for you. I don't recommend any threats or games. I do know that as Sandi2 says often about the WW until a loss is felt - remorse won't kick in.

We can't instigate that loss. It will sneak up on the Wayward Spouse.

I told you my story, I hope it helps.

Wanna hear something wacky. These days as I'm alone - I sometimes fantasize about W and I having a one night stand-conceiving a baby and her having to come back. Talk about history repeating itself - Have I learned nothing??