She did on the puns just now and started escalating raising her voice, talking down, being a way that she would not get away with, with others. I need to come up with a better way of handling this. Today I got to a point and said "sorry your style of communicating right now isn't working for me and put the phone down - I did this pretty calmly - no drama."
and again, amazing the similarities between our W's actions...
Often towards the beginning of my DB'ing, my lack of argument, disagreement, defensiveness, and choice to just listen, validate, and empathize with her, CONFUSED THE LIVING SH1T OUT OF HER, which sometimes resulting in a calming attitude, but more often than not, her confusion of my change in actions would make her angry because she didn't understand why things were not going as expected (defensive, arguing, fighting, etc)... It's hard for them, because it's just "different", and people are afraid of things that do not make sense to them, fear leads to uncontrollable emotions and actions...
Shortly after that, she got to the point where validating was not even something I could do with the nonsense that was coming out of her mouth. Screaming, Yelling, Cussing, Insults, you name it, I stood there at took it all like a dummy, thinking "how can I validate this?"... The truth is YOU CANT. Once it gets to that point, it's time to lay down the boundary. It took me about 3 instances of my W "laying into me" before I realized something was really wrong. The first time I stuck to my boundary of not participating in conversations involving her lude actions, I "walked away"... it was met with more anger ("oh sure, walk away, that's what you always do"), etc.
The second time, same thing, more yelling, cussing, etc. The third time... I received a text from her stating, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to say hateful things but I just get so angry and emotional. I will try to control myself around you from now on."
There's been a few instances of raised voices and cussing, but she knows that I won't put up with anything I see as "over the line".
You're doing the right thing in stating your boundary, and then sticking to it. Don't let her lay into you with rage for no good reason other than she's lost control of herself.
