Chapter 3. Let the detachment begin

[bigybiz]

Sandi2:

Thanks for your post and clarification. Yes, my W has a cold selfish heart right now. She blames me for everything and I'm astonished how detached she is from her kids, etc. Her obsession/addiction feeds her and that's the only thing that is important to her. From what I know, her new friends are telling her she deserves to be happy, I'm controlling her, etc.

I believe I've told everyone on the board everything. Yes, W will tell everyone who listens that I drove her out.

I'm guessing that my next step is to "Act As If", I'm going on without her. I will stop nagging her to get involved in the kid's life, I'll try and be more "clinical".

I'll need to not antagonize her (which I have done in the past). I'll try and be cool and removed. I'd hate for her to take any more drastic steps in response to what I just did or what is happening. Regular readers will remember we missed a mtg payment. The next day she was ready to sell the house. Lucky that has passed for now.

The hope will be that the more I "Act As If" I may eventually be ready to go on without her. This is going to be tough as my beliefs tell me that I made a vow to her for life (both this one and the next).

I've pretty much backed off on any kind of friendship building activities. I used to invite her to have meals etc with the family, once she told me she needed more space from me - I stopped.

I'll try and be more absent when she is here with the boys. If she shows me (what I believe to be) disrespect, I'll shut it down. I'll try and do things for me and not because it will get a reaction from her. As I've said before, if I benefit too - I still think it's a good thing i.e. house projects, family activities, etc.

Thanks - Sandi2 et al. I needed a boost. I was feeling a little lost.