Keep Wearing Wedding Band?

[JRuss]

Hang in there, ForGump. This stuff is really, really hard. I have the same difficulty going back to sleep after waking up (usually around 4am) and then am just exhausted by early evening. Ditto on the trouble concentrating at work. Meditation helps me but isn't a cure. Exercising also really does help.

The hope is a very difficult aspect of all of this. Everyone comes here -- or at least almost everyone -- because they want to save their marriages. It does seem like DBing and this community itself is much more about surviving this terrible blow, though, and then, eventually, thriving as a better, happier person without regard to the spouse that's blown up our lives. A lucky few get the added benefit of their wayward waking up, but I'm like you in that I don't see DBing doing much to influence things either way. The wayward either comes back or they don't. It is highly unlikely that they come back unless you make some positive changes, because, in their minds, it was mostly, if not entirely, your fault things broke down. So DBing maximizes chances; but they still don't seem like good odds from where I sit. And that is a repeated punch in the nuts that keeps me from detaching. I want it all to WORK, you know?

I think you should go back to the marriage bed. Let her sleep on the couch or even move out if she can't handle it. Don't be aggressive or confrontational about it, just slide back into YOUR bed. Just a thought. Best of luck.