Keeps getting worse, 180 not working

[Buxom]

Jruss, thanks for the thoughts. I'm still away and finding it harder than I thought. Normally, I would be texting and calling wh. It's what we always used to do. As per my prediction yesterday, he is entirely dark today. Why do I let it bother me? I'm trying not to be a doormat and trying to be unpredictable and mysterious. Tomorrow I will let them know I'm spending another night. Also still 180 strong.

I'm fighting my brain and my history with him in doing this new routine. It's hard and necessary and I hope he doesn't think I'm turning my back on him. Then I remind myself that he knows what I want cos I laid it out in June. My anxiety is higher than I expected. I'm struggling to focus on me. It's better when I walk the dog and pick berries so I likely need to stay away from the books and reading too much here right now. Feeling a bit more depressed overall and I had hoped to return home refreshed and sparkling. Colleen