W still at home, how to proceed?

[sandi2]

She is "addicted". Having a long talk with each other does not erase the addiction. The two of you need a plan to keep you on track.

You can start with commitment. If she's not willing to commit 100%, it won't work. If she is, you can engage in being transparent with each other. For example, you are free to look at each other's phones and email, and/or whatever it takes to account for your activity. (We can give more information later, if you are interested.

I think you should consider an agreement (thoroughly communicated with one another) as to what is needed from each spouse in order to have a better relationship; have an agreement as to what each of you are willing to do to give the MR the work that is required to gain trust, respect, and loyalty. Write it down, if it helps.

I think it is important that both of you have a plan as to what to do, and what not to do, whenever you are tempted to return to the sources of your addictions. Where can you go locally to get support......and guidance in the steps to take in healing and maintaining?

You have to be proactive in pulling the MR out of the grip of the addictions. Neither of you can have it both ways. You can't have a good MR and keep the old behaviors.

During the long talk you had together, was there any remorse and apologies?

I want you to realize that her flirting and getting the attention of other men can be just as addictive as your porn. It may start out with flirty texts or emails........but it progresses. So, don't take it lightly......and don't let her get by with telling you it's no big deal. It's a very big deal when she's M. Don't accept her statement that any of these guys are just a friend. Now let me ask you.........have you texted or emailed other women in a flirtatious manner? Do you have friendships with women that exclude your W? Any messages you really wouldn't want your W to discover? Any contacts with previous girlfriends? If you get way too touchy and flirty while dancing and drunk, then what else do you do when drunk? If you are guilty of any of these behaviors, then it all must stop tonight, if you want to stay married. Both of you are playing with fire!