Bigybiz, I hear you in wishing it happened earlier. So much pain would have been averted, but I don't know if I would have been able to grow in quite the same way. I think my garden needed the pile of trash to decompose in order to really flourish. 10 years ago I probably just would have found an easy way to cope.
I am not feeling as peaceful today as I was last night. I had another altercation with WH. Another conversation about an issue with the kids turned into a barrage of insults--and probably one of the meanest and untrue thing he could say about my mom. I made the mistake of defending myself with the knowledge that I have gained while learning about narc abuse which he in turn projected back on me tell him he has been reading all of the same books. It gave me pause. Another hesitation--is he right? But then I took a deep breath. Because I have compassion, empathy, loyalty. I am capable of unconditional love. I don't always behave or react perfectly--although I have gotten much better, but there is a difference in my intent.
I am still confusing sticking up for myself and insulting him. There was nothing that I said today that was insulting, just pointing out some discrepancies. I shouldn't have engaged at all. I should have ended the conversation as soon as it turned sour. I gained some intel though. He has no intention of negotiating. We are going to trial. He still acts like he is in agreement of almost all of the terms and made some vague statements about what he is opposed to. But rather than trying to negotiate or let on what the issues are, he just wants to go to trial. I think his goal is to just run up my legal fees since he somehow manipulated his into taking him on for free.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
