WHs do come back--Piecing--acceptance & time

[Rose888]

C-nuts threads have helped me think about where I have gone wrong. I too am impatient, react on emotions, and feel this strong need to make a decision and take action in some direction. I think it stems from feeling out of control and asserting control however one can find it.

So again, I've been going back to what it means to have "control." Control is acceptance. Accepting that things are the way they are, that what happened DID happen, and accepting that things will work out as they need to. There is some sadness in that too. I don't know where I will be in several years.

It's easier to hang on to hurt, to anger, and to take action--working on the M or working on leaving. My biggest test of patience is doing nothing at all. I'm trying to be okay with that. My autopilot mode is to grab the wheel and take control. Because when I don't, I am left with my thoughts and feelings. There is still so much sadness.

-Blu

Hi Blu,

Your post is helping me today.
I've felt completely lost over the past 3-4 weeks; feeling like I don't want to be in the M anymore; feeling like I just can't and don't want to do this. I hate that I feel this way and yet I still feel it. My W is doing what she is supposed to be doing. If you were to ask me what else she could be doing, I wouldnt have an answer. But I still feel like its not enough. Is it even possible for her to do enough? My fear is that she can't despite good intentions.
I realize I too have had expectations. And those expectations probably weren't realistic. I've asked for too much of my W too soon. I feel like it has to either be better NOW or I have to leave. Neither is the answer but I don't know what to do in the meantime. What do you do when you look at your spouse and you don't feel affection? What do you do when you've lost the desire to keep trying?

I think this is where my H was on BD, which only happened because I confronted him.

It's weird to read it from you. It gives me an additional view from his perspective.

I have no real advice. H committed to trying to reconnect, and his actions and words show he is trying, but I have no idea if it is working because we aren't having R talks.

I'm continuing to work on me and 180 some things that have lead us down cheeseless tunnels in the past. (Including that just in case someone reads this and thinks I am expecting H to do all the work.)

It's way too early to say if we are going to be a success. I'm aware that another BD could happen at any time.

Anyway, sorry to turn this into a tangent. It gave me a jolt to read H's perspective, and I had to respond.