Trying to focus on myself and GAL. Those muscles are half out of practice. I can do it on the one hand in terms of socializing and activities but my brain is a broken record. A friend wrote me that when he dropped off our girls he was flirty as I said he would be. I asked for specifics and it was the stuff that he does in front of me that has annoyed me in the past. He'll be pissed at me if a guy is flirty with me but then HE flirts with people and I'm possessive if I mention anything. When I asked for specifics she wrote: "Hugs that lingered too long. Hand on the small of my back. When they left "you're dimples are amazing, they light up the room when you smile."" This is the kind of thing that I'm trying to not care about. But since I wasn't there it seems like he was hoping she was desperate since she and her husband split up a bit back. His insecurity and looking for closeness with women kind of grosses me out. At the moment pictures of him disgust me and yet I'm feeling jealous. What's up with that? Now the kids are with my Mom and he's certainly meeting up with some women tonight or tomorrow. He promised to let me know before having sex with anyone but I wonder how he even classifies that. My brain doesn't do well in the in-between. Can you advise on how to focus my thoughts on what is happening with us? Should I pretend we'd definitely splitting up? Maybe I just want him because he doesn't want me? And for the outward trappings of family life and children together. Walking the line is difficult for me. Do I pretend he doesn't live here and focus on the girls? They return on Thursday. I don't know how far I should take it for us to stay together for the kids. I know that I want to be with someone who wants to be with me - clearly so - and I'm willing to be in a temporary situation but how long of temporary is even acceptable? I'm 48 - I DO want to be in a relationship with someone and I think that it will be harder at this age. One thing in my favor is that I'm slim and have amazing joie de vivre, creativity, adventurousness, I'm pretty and - jeez - can I just write myself an online dating ad right now?
