COG's advice is spot on...EXCEPT...if I'm remembering right, coffee, your WW was the one that had serial affairs for 8 years. Is this right?
I believe there is a big difference between a woman that walks away that hasn't cheated, one that walks away that has an EA/PA going on, and one that has been in ongoing affairs the majority of the marriage with different partners.
Each of us has to make our own decisions on where we draw the line. While I might have been willing to accept a short term EA/PA immediately after BD, I am not sure I would be willing to accept what this WAS did over the time she did it. And, if there was ANY chance I would, it would've been on her to move mountains to show me why I should. Shoot, in theory she still could, I'm not saying coffee isn't committed to D, but if she aborted all affairs immediately, wrote an apology letter and a non-contact letter, promised to go to counseling and do anything possible to save the M, and in return she didn't ask for any blind recommitments but rather the opportunity to just leave the D as a separation for a year as she proved to him how deeply she cared and show him that she would walk the walk to prove she could be the W she promised to be...IF she did all that maybe he could reconsider...Maybe.
But that hasn't happened, and I agree if it's anything less than that he needs to keep moving forward on his own. I've been around these boards a while now and doubt she's turning around, and if she did it would only be if she was deeply scared of losing him. After him being complacent for 8 years and her avoiding consequences for her choices for 8 years I think there's a much bigger risk in coffee being exposed to more of the same than there is in him missing out on a wonderful relationship with this person.
It just stinks all the way around. Sorry you got a dud coffee. Keep moving forward. Still heal, own your $hit, and do what you can to be a better person. Avoid rebounds or anything destructive like punishing behavior. Be a good co-parent. All of that. But frankly I'm glad you have the strength to get some distance. Maybe it's fueled by hurt and anger, but that doesn't mean those emotions are negative, they may be what you need to do what you need to do to protect yourself.
COG's advise is what I'd give to anyone that was in a situation less extreme than this. Even still coffee, it's good to mull over and see from all angles. It's good to know why you're doing what you're doing.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
