SH, I recall reading on your thread that you are able to give wonderful support to others but perhaps not as much kindness to yourself. I was thinking about that too. Sometimes for me, it is easier to take care of others than give self care. Self care can require looking inside our minds and history, which in itself can be painful.
I have been wondering lately if there is such a thing as being too detached? I think I may be swinging in that direction. I'm not giving up on my M, not walking away, but realize at times I can be numb. I think it's a natural protective mechanism in this sitch.
I can list so many reasons why H is a good man, father, and partner. I do feel he is staying the course and committed to me and the family. I also find that the triggers are finally fading. There was a long while where I felt so much PTSD--a full on visceral response--that I was scared it would never work.
The numbness is slightly new. I am not sure exactly what it means but I am okay with it. It's a welcome relief. I still feel that part of my control is accepting where things are in the present. I have faith that things will settle into place as they should in time. I can't predict what will happen in the M, but I can surrender myself to giving up control.
I am secretly hoping that this is why people say successfully recovering from an A can lead to a better M. I don't know. But I do know that I like myself a lot more now than I did before any of this chit started years ago.
Hang in there DBers, this is a LONG arse road!
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
