Chapter 3. Let the detachment begin

[bigybiz]

Sandi2: Thanks for your post.

Yes, she was involved in an EA last year fromt the end of August to when I broke it up in the 1st week of December. (For new readers - I suspected it was a PA - asked her and asked her - she denied it. Then I started to snoop on her phone. Then I told her I had hired hackers to get to the bottom of it. Then she told me it was a friendship and not a PA. Neither of us knew what an EA was at the time. I then contacted him and told him he should not be have a secret flirty relationship with my wife. He dropped her like a stone. She was ticked.)

My route has been a little up and down.

In Jan we were in house Sep. My DB coach said build a friendship, invite her to be part of the family activities, etc.

Once I got onto the forum in Late Feb - I tried to make the transition to the Sandi2 tough love approach. I still let her eat cake and encouraged her to come to movies, eat out etc with us.

But, in the last few months my approach has been much more the Sandi2 approach. Even more so since she moved out at the end of May. So I was nice at first, when that did not work - I switched to being more direct.

I also, stopped asking her for her input on projects around the house and activities with the kids, etc. I just started doing them.

Now, I try and be more direct and not take as much nonsense. When she says "I'm busy" I say oh and "I'm not" followed by "be an adult and tell me when you will get abc done".

So I think I'm on the right path now.

Sandi2 - here is my big question - is my wife a WW (since her obsession with her new community and work is like an affair and she did have an EA) or is she a WAW since we had years of mutual neglect and she finally got a life and realized that things should be better. But, in the mean time alienated me and detached from her teenage kids.

Sandi2 - I'd love to hear your thoughts.

What is the right approach - build friendship, etc, etc or tough love? As it is my GAL is off the chart and the kids and I really are moving on without her. Even S10 see's mom more as a playdate then his mother these days.